Invasion of the Hormones
by cgaussie
Summary: The Fourth Installment of the Epic Tales by myself and Poe. Yay. Zib now enters the realm of... PUBERTY.
1. Chapter 1

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
Note: Wow, first note! Well this takes place when Zib and Enid are now in high school. Yay.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter One  
  
Zib was waiting by a wall on the playground for Enid to get out of class, when a few random thugs spotted him and were drawn to him like vultures to a kill. Zib didn't notice, just whistling to himself, hand stuffed in his pockets, when he noticed the shadows of the bullies blocking his light.  
  
"Hey --"  
  
"Waiting for your Girlfriend, freak boy?" Zib glared up at them,  
  
"She is not my Girlfriend, human stink!" Well, with that comment, Zib found himself eye-to-eye with the bully, hefted up at least a foot off the ground and pressed against the wall by a beefy hand around his neck.  
  
"I'd watch who you call human stink around here, freak." growled the bully, whom we shall call Bully. Ironic, yes? Anyway, he raises his fist and is about to possibly break Zib's glasses along with his face when a sharp coughing is heard. The 'gang' glance at the doorway where Enid's now stood.  
  
"What do you want?" Bully sneered, yes he did know of Enid's defence against Zib, but when do guys ever learn?  
  
"Oh I don't know, maybe you to let him go?"  
  
"So what, so you can climb trees and have your smooching sessions again?" She rolled her eyes in responce,  
  
"Really it seems that's the only thing you guys think about."  
  
"It's probably all their primative minds are capable of processing!" Zib snapped, his Zim-like tendancies not heeding the fist hovering over his face, and for that, he got a punch to the gut by one of the other bullies. His eyes buldged before he grimaced, wheezing as the air was knocked out of his scrawny torso, his glasses threatening to fall off.  
  
"You guys take care of the geek, I'll handle this tom-boy freak," Bully instructed, throwing Zib off to his lackeys and facing Enid, cracking his fist.  
  
"Now really, name calling is so immature." Enid said, stepping out of the door way and onto the gravel ground. "Plus, isn't it rude to hit a Girl?"  
  
"It isn't rude if she's a sharp tongued rat like yourself." Bully sneered in responce, an with that he threw a 'right hook' at her, which she easily leaned away from and gave him a sharp kick to the last place a boy wants to be kicked. Bully groaned and fell to the floor, more wind knocked out of him then Zib had. As he was down, Enid gave him a kick to the head, talking calmly as she did.  
  
"You know if _only_ there was a _way_ that these things could be _settled_ without throwing _punches_." as she said specific words she'd kick him and such, finally knocking him out with another kick to the head. "But I guess that day will have to wait." she said. Zib wasn't faring nearly so well, basically being held up by his hair scythes, which even the bullies had no idea how painful that was, and being used as a punching bag. One of the bullies stopped mid-punch when they noticed the state of their leader, looking at Enid fearfully, releasing Zib and backing away, before breaking out into a run.  
  
"Yesh, pitiful humansh, run from Shib.." Zib said, almost drunkenly as he swayed back and forth, one of his lenses cracked, spitting out a tooth before falling into a crumpled heap. Enid sighed and walked over to Zib. This wasn't new to her at all, seemed it happened every day of their Skool lives since Cten, Dib and Zim had went on to Hi Skool. She picked him up by scooping her hand under his legs and around his back, hefted him into her arms and started carrying him off.  
  
"You know Zib we really need to work on your self defences." she said to the unconcious Zib. "Any more of this and you'll be in more pain then now."  
  
"Mgi defenshesh are fine," he slurred, apparently faintly conscious afterall, but totally out of it, arms dangling limpy as he was carried off, "Shides, I got you, don't I?" he looked up at her blearily, barely able to see her due to the state of his glasses.   
  
"I know you got me Zib." she grinned as she left the Skool grounds, since it was the end of the Skool Day. "But what if I'm not here one day, eh? Ever think about that? You'd be a heap of broken bones 'n stuff!" she didn't seem to care about the odd looks the two were getting as she made her way down the street.  
  
"Oh.. well.. I'm shure I'd think of shomething," he waved his hand limply as though to dismiss the thought, "I alwaysh got my pod if it getsh really bad.." Zib didn't really seem to mind being carted off either, heck, maybe that was the reason he allowed himself to be pulvarized.  
  
"True, but you're not supposed to get any attention because of it, remember?" she said, not sure if the clobbers to the gut and head were the reasons he was saying this, or he was just kidding.  
  
"Maybe I juss won't go if you're not, s'not like Mom can make me anymore, shince he goesh to a different shkool," He grinned up at her drunkenly, showing a bloody gape where one of his zipper teeth once was, "You're the besht part of shkool anyway," he said, proving he really was out of it if he was being.. well, gushy.  
  
"Aw you flatterer." Enid grinned, then coming to a stop outside Zib's house. "So you wanna hide out at my place till your injuries aren't visible anymore, or let your Mom see em and have him go ballistic?" Zib sighed slightly,  
  
"I guesh I need to get some new glashes from him.." He wasn't really looking forward to Zim's ranting.  
  
"All right." she set him down on the ground, but held onto him not wanting him to fall over and hit his head somewhere again. Zib leaned against her, stumbling slightly. Zim's gnomes alerted him to a presence outside his door, and he put on his disguise, walking over and opening it, first seeing Enid and glaring slightly, and then noticing Zib's condition,  
  
"What are you-- ZIB!! What happened?!"  
  
"Hi Mom," Zib waved weakly with his free hand, before Zim yanked them all inside.  
  
"Yah!" Enid yelped as Zib and her were yanked inside, her wig becoming lop-sided more so then it had been. "I can explain it, Mr. Zim," Enid put her hands up, as if to shield herself from any kind of anger ranting Zim might leap into given half the chance. Zim just glared at her, before folding his arms.  
  
"All right, you explain it to me."  
  
"You see, well Zib gets... picked on a lot. A lot. And well, I kinda have to defend him from Bully and his mates 'n stuff." she explained, not sure how Zim would react to the fact his 'son' is being beaten up, or that he's being defended by a Girl of all things. Zim narrowed his eyes; a Girl who was mostly a Reject, in his eyes, to boot.  
  
"And why are you so certain Zib cannot fend for himself?" He asked, "He has the blood of an Invader, afterall!" Poor Zim, still in denial.  
  
"Mom, they're free timesh my shize," Zib rubbed his head, slumping slightly, "I don't even know how to fight, much lesh where Enid learned how."  
  
"Mr. Zim, that's what happened to him." she pointed to Zib, "When I didn't get at the two other guys before they beat him up. Imagine if he was alone. I'm not insulting Invaders, no no.. he just wasn't reared the same way you were. I guess." Enid shugged slightly. Actually, her Dad had been able to teach her what he learned while living on the streets of Irk, which hadn't been the 'cleanest' form of fighting, but it got the job done.  
  
"And are you suggesting there's something wrong with the way Zib was reared?!" Zim snapped.. there just wasn't any pleasing him. He yanked Zib away from Enid, causing him to yelp, and nearly threw him down on the couch, "Stay here, Zib, I'll get the healing.. box.. thingee." He waved his hand and disappeared downstairs, while Zib groaned and flopped over the arm of the couch.  
  
"Well, I better go Zib. See you.. uh, Monday I guess, since I don't think your Mom'll want you around with me on the weekend." Enid scratched the back of her neck, "So yeah, bye." Zib looked up at her and frowned, then shook his head,  
  
"Bah, I'll sneak out anyway!"  
  
"Your funeral." she smirked before turning and heading to the door.  
  
"But.. aw, okay." He looked down at the floor, which was currently just a fuzzy purple mass. Enid might notice that he had been acting a bit.. well, _odd_ around her lately. Meanwhile, the sounds of Zim clambering back up the stairs could be heard.  
  
"Bye Zib." she opened the door and headed out, just as she did GIR returned from being outside.  
  
"HibyeEnid!" he declared as he went past her. Zib waved at her back, and Zim glared at the door as it shut, taking out various medical impliments. Zib winced, the machine thingees replacing his tooth, putting an ice pack to his head, and sticking bandaids on his bruises - man, Irken technology sure was advanced. GIR watched closely as all of it was going on, and he stuck a baidaid to his head and laughed. Meanwhile, Enid was making her way home. Probably wondering why Zib was being all weird around her lately, gushing about her being his best friend most of the time and such.  
  
"Phase probably." she muttered to herself as she arrived home, and pushed the front door open. Poe was sitting on the couch, looking bored as he did, you guessed it, watch TV. The poor guy needs a life. His antennae perked when he heard the door open, and he grinned,  
  
"Hey, En, how was skool?"  
  
"Oh the usual slanting system working it's way into my brain..." she groaned, then pulled her wig off as she shut the door. "Plus Zib got beaten up again by Bully 'n the gang and I had to save him again." Poe raised his eyelid,  
  
"Maybe I should offer to teach him self-defense, though I'm sure that'd make Zim real happy. So is he still in one piece?"  
  
"Thankfully." she sat down besides her Father, then folded her arms. "Though when Mr. Zim found out I've been defending Zib, let's say he wasn't the happiest alien in the universe."  
  
"No, I'm sure he wouldn't be.. I'm not sure why Zib doesn't just accept those offers to skip ahead a few grades into hiskool, then, at least, he'd have his parents around." Zib had proven himself to excel at schoolwork, and the administration kept wanting to shove him ahead.  
  
"I think he doesn't want to do that, cause then he wouldn't have me around." Enid sighed, scratching her long antennae which now downed similar looking rings like Poe's. Poe raised his eyebrow further,  
  
"He seems to be getting pretty attached to you.."   
  
"Yup." she stretched her arms out, "Keeps telling me how glad I'm his best friend 'n stuff... he gets all gushy."  
  
"Oh _really_?" Poe arched both eyelids at this, and started chuckling. Of course, crushes were cute when they were _this_ age - he might think differently in a few years.  
  
"Why the laugh?" she eyed her Father closely, one antennae raising up.  
  
"I think Zib's at the age when his opinion of Girls might be.. _changing_."  
  
"Huh?" Enid, unlike her Father didn't watch TV so much so she hadn't seen sitcoms or comedies about this sort of thing. Poe looked upward, to the ceiling, for a way to explain this,  
  
"Well, En, you know how boys are when they're smaller - they think Girls have cooties and all - but as they get older they start to, uh, appreciate females more." He shook his head, getting to the point and using middle-school terminology, "I think he might like _like_ you."  
  
"Like like? What do-" she trailed off, then reared back in disgust. "Euuww! No way!" Poe shrugged,  
  
"Like I said, he's at that age.. You have to remember that he is at least a year older than you, even if he's a few inches shorter."  
  
"But... he's my best friend Daddy I don't... think of him like _that_..." well, not yet anyway.  
  
"I know, I know. Just consider it an.. uh, warning. Maybe it'll pass and he'll find some other Girl to make eyes at."  
  
"Yeech, I hope so... I don't wanna get meat for Valentines day from him." she had to worry about the impending doom of Christmas, what with that mistletoe stuff that seems to sprout everywhere. Yup, Skool year coming to the Christmas holidays and now knowing Zib might like _like_ her, mistletoe is now considered very dangerous.  
  
"Well, if he does give you any, I'll be happy to take it off your hands," He grinned slightly with his pointy fangs - well, maybe his carnivorous habits were something she actually _didn't_ inherit from him. "I wouldn't worry too much about it, he might not even know he likes you if he even does."  
  
"Hope you're right." she muttered, folding her arms and leaning against him. "...where's Mom?"  
  
"I'm not sure if she's home from skool yet. She's still taking extra classes.." Poe shook his head slightly, "She should be home soon, though."  
  
"Why _does_ she take extra classes anyway? Isn't she already swamped with homework?" one thing Enid never understood was her Mom's keeness to do so many classes in so little time.  
  
"I don't know, maybe she likes to keep busy." Certainly wasn't a problem he had, the lazy bum, "I feel bad, staying at home while she goes off to school, but the more green kids there are, the more suspicious people will be."  
  
"U-huh." Enid smirked, then the door opened and Cten entered, dragging a rather.. big bag. Hi Skool bag too. She closed the door after her, pulling her wig off.  
  
"Man, these books get heavier every day..." she muttered.  
  
"Do you really have to have that many books?" Poe teased her, getting up and taking Cten's bag for her, wincing at the weight.  
  
"Yup, English, Social Studies, Human Interests, Science, Drama..." Cten counted off on her fingers, then smirking at him, then looked to Enid. "Hi sweetie, how was your day?"  
  
"Oh usual.. Zib gets beaten up, I take him home, I find out he might like like me." Enid shrugged and slumped against the sofa. Cten raised an eyelid, but shook her head.  
  
"You have homework, don't you?"  
  
"...yes."  
  
"Go on then." Cten thumped at the stairs.  
  
"Aw Mom!" Poe snickered quietly,  
  
"Listen to your Mother, En. You can worry about Zib later."  
  
"Oh fine..." Enid groaned and left the room.  
  
So time for a time warp! Time passes, the Skool closes for the week because of Christmas! YAYYY!!! Hasn't snowed yet though, luckily enough for our favourite Irken group of green skinned folks. We open this time, on Dib's house! Wow, thought he was dead, didn't ya? Well, he's seen outside sat on the sidewalk looking through his nearly empty wallet.  
  
"I don't beleive this, not even a five!" he said to himself. Zib, concidentally, was wandering down the street, looking lost in thought, staring at the ground, hands in his pockets, the whole deal.  
  
"Oh, hey, Dad..." he said absently, causing one to wonder just what had him so distracted. Dib glanced up at Zib, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket.  
  
"Hey Zib, what's up?" he asked, noting the look on his face.  
  
"Oh, nothing much, just thinking about Eni- er, I mean, stuff." He coughed, correcting himself ambigiously.  
  
"Eni?" Dib narrowed an eye, then blinking as he realised what Zib was talking about. "Gee, Dad wasn't kidding when he said they grow up fast." he muttered more to himself, putting his feet together. Zib looked around, trying to appear innocent, swaying back and forth on his heels,  
  
"So.. know what's with all the mistletoe the humans are hanging?"  
  
"Mistletoe?" Dib echoed, before standing up. "Mistletoe, well... it's what people hang up at Christmas time, and if there's someone under the mistletoe - more approprietely the opposite sex - you kiss em."  
  
"I see.." Zib narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, holding his chin in one of Zim's schemeful expressions. "And where could one get some of this.. mistletoe?"  
  
"Any store in town by now... wait, why?" Dib raised an eyebrow at his 'son'.  
  
"So I could test out a theo- er, no reason at all!" He coughed and waved his hand dismissively.  
  
"Zib..." Dib narrowed an eye at him, already knowing he's up to something.  
  
"Um.." He looked down at the ground, scratching at the sidewalk with his heel in circular motions, "Well.. I've been having these weird.. _feelings_ lately.."  
  
"What _kind_ of feelings?" Dib leaned in, maybe Zib was going through some bizzare alien-like cocooning thing, and he couldn't afford to miss out on this.  
  
"..toward Enid.." he muttered almost inaudiably, fighting the blush that was threatening to creep up his face and probably disappointing Dib. You could almost see the dissapointment already on Dib's face, and he stood back.  
  
"Oh, _that_ stuff." Yes, Zib was going through puberty, far less interesting, but far scarier than cocooning.  
  
"And.. Um.. I thought if I got her to.. you know.." He made kissy motions with his fingers somehow, "I could see if it was just a horrible phase thingee, or not."  
  
"Ah, the affects of puberty is starting to show..." Dib muttered to himself as he examined Zib with his eyes, trying to at least spot a little bit of change besides his height increase. It wasn't much, Zib not having any body hair-growths or anything, though his voice was a bit deeper, his hair-scythes starting to kink into zig-zags like his Dad's. He blinked up at Dib,  
  
"Puberty?"  
  
"Yeah, it's something all human teenagers go through." Dib replied casually, "Sometimes it's kinda messy."  
  
"Messy?" Zib looked somewhat frightened now, his Mom having eventually pounded a fear of messy, germy things into his head, "We haven't covered that in Biology class yet.."  
  
"Oh you don't cover it in Biology, you tackle that in Health." he said simply, "Not a pretty thing, let me tell you that. Hair, voice changes and.. other stuff."  
  
"Eiigh.. I don't want to get all hairy though!" He clutched his natural hair, lest it threaten to spread out and cover his entire body, "What sort of other stuff?" He asked, even though he wasn't old enough to know some of the.. other stuff.  
  
"...ask your teacher next time you see him, or her. Or better yet, look it up in a book. Yeah." Dib didn't particularly like the idea of explaining... that to his son. Even he didn't like hearing it.  
  
"What about Mom? He's male too, or do Irkens not have puberty?"  
  
"I don't think so, I'd like to know if you did!"  
  
"Hey, I'm not an Irken!" He scowled at Dib, then wondered, "Maybe I'll ask him when I get home.."  
  
"Yeah, you do that." Dib nodded, then grinned. "And tell me all about it."  
  
"Alright, Dad, I will," He grinned slightly, always eager to try and impress his Dad, not yet knowing he was just being used as a proxy to gather info on Zim.   
  
"Great then!" Dib rubbed his hands together eagerly, "This'll be great!"  
  
"I'm off to get some mistletoe then, for my, uh.. theory! Yes!" Zib waved at his dad, continuing down the sidewalk.  
  
"Bye Zib." Dib gave a short wave, then ran back into his house to.. prepare, yeah.  
  
Zib was currently trying to carry out his nefarious little scheme while Zim was kept occupied in his lab by who knows what, standing up on a ladder and tying some mistletoe to the entrance into the kitchen. He'd called Enid earlier, and she could be there any minute - he was needless to say, quite nervous. Meanwhile outside, Enid had stopped at the front door. She bit her lower lip, thinking over the whole 'like like' thing Zib might have going on. Though she takes a deep breath and opens the door, looking in and seeing Zib just now putting the ladder away.  
  
"...Zib?" Zib quickly stuffed the ladder into a corner and whirled around to face Enid, grinning nervously and practically sweating bullets.  
  
"Oh, um, hey, Enid.. how.. uh.. are you?"    
  
"Um, fine... you?" she shut the door behind her, though something told her she'd have to bolt out of there soon.  
  
"Oh, I'm just.. peachy!" He laughed nervously, folding his arms behind his back and worrying at his gloves, standing in the doorway and waiting impatiently for her to approach.  
  
"That's.. peachy." Enid replied, realising he's not going to approach her, she'd pretty much do it. She started towards him, trying to grasp a topic of conversation. "So.. Christmas is soon, your family celebrate or..?" she gave a small shrug.  
  
"Oh, not really, except Gir.. He's started decorating the house and everything," Zib got an idea, glancing upwards at the mistletoe as she approached, "In fact, he.. yes, he hung that earlier! I was just putting away the ladder he'd left out!" She glanced up at it, blinking a few times.  
  
"What the heck is that?"  
  
"It's mistletoe," he pointed upwards, "a poisonous berry-bearing plant that humans decorate archways and thresholds with at Christmas time." He adjusted his glasses with his pointed finger, "And for some reason, they have a belief that when two people encounter each under beneath it, they're forced by tradition to kiss. That.. er, that silly robot!" He laughed mechanically, trying hard not to show his nervousness, and only coming off as even more so. Enid raised an eyebrow at the mistletoe then looked somewhat disgusted.  
  
"That little weed makes you have to kiss?" she blinked, looking at Zib. "Man, these humans must have been last in line when the Creators were handing out traditions huh?"  
  
"Yeah.. they've got some pretty.. weird habits," he laughed and coughed, "But nevertheless, this is _their_ society we're living in.." To say the least, Enid stares almost dumbly at him, then up at the mistletoe.  
  
"...so we have to...?"  
  
"I'm afraid so," he said gravely, "Afterall, if we didn't, people might just suspect we're aliens!" His eyes darted around, as if looking for potential witnesses, then looked back at her, peering over the top rim of his glasses and quirking one of his eyebrows.. dare we say.. coyly? He only received a blank stare from Enid, before she gave a sigh.  
  
"Oh.. okay." she said, then before he could really 'ready' himself, she leaned in, grabbed the back of his head and kissed him directly on the lips. Zib blinked in surprise, having not expected her to be nearly so, er, forthcoming, before he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and leaned into it. Not really anything too spicey, they were still just the equivillent 12/13 year olds or so, but Zib was certainly enjoying himself. Course, Enid was just doing this cause Zib had asked her too, plus she didn't want anyone to think she was an alien so she didn't really feel anything as of yet. But gotta admit, she felt startled when he had wrapped his arms around her shoulders. So after a couple seconds she stopped the kiss and stared at him.  
  
"How long are we supposed to do this anyway?" Zib blinked dazily when she pulled away, an utterly stupid, drunken grin on his face, and he opened his mouth to say something, but instead erupted in a fit of insane giggling.  
  
"Um, okay?" she wasn't sure if they were meant to laugh afterwards or not, so she just gave a short chuckle for a while.  
  
"It sure was," he managed, sinking against her, his knees having gone out and whatnot, giggling muffedly into her shoulder. Enid grabbed him around his middle, supporting him now.  
  
"Is this what happens each time you kiss someone under the mistletoe?" she thought to herself, then looked at him with a 'weird' look. "Well uh... thanks Zib, I guess for teaching me what to do when that mistletoe thing is hanging at a door way.."  
  
"Don't worry, it was my pleasure," he still had that goofy grin on his face, a glazed, faraway look in his eyes.  
  
"I'm... glad to hear it." she replied, patting his back and walked/dragged him to the couch and sat him down on it. Zib was dragged easily, being light and pretty much a rag doll right now, his giggles quieting down somewhat. Wouldn't it be odd if Zim were to walk in on them right now? But, who should walk in on them but little GIR! He stands in the door way, tilting his head at how odd his Mini-Master looked right now. Enid had to keep one hand against his shoulder, seemed if she dared let go he'd flop onto his side.  
  
"I didn't know kissing someone would turn them into jelly, GIR." she said to the robot. GIR - if he could blink he would - so he just made his eyecams flash slightly. Zib seemed to find this amusing and his burst of giggles renewed, until he had to lean over, clutching his sides, mumbling to himself almost inaudibly between giggles,  
  
"Okay, so that's not how it was suppose to go, but still.."  
  
"Oh. So that's just you then?" boy, Enid had a lot to learn didn't she? I guess the Irken 'puberty' hadn't begun for her yet or she might have had a similar reaction as Zib had.  
  
"Huh? Oh, yes.." He looked over at her and giggled a few times, before leaning back against the couch and letting out a 'woosh' of air from his lungs, a very content grin plastered onto his face.  
  
"Um, glad you enjoyed it then." she said, now feeling somewhat freaked out at how much Zib reacted to this kiss thing. Maybe her Daddy was right about him like liking her, she coughed and scratched the back of her head. And just at this moment, what pair of black boots should march through the archway of the kitchen but those of the mighty Invader Zim! With him filling them, of course. He eyeed the two hatchlings on the couch, then noticed Zib's state, glaring at Enid,  
  
"What are you doing here?! What happened to him?!" To say the least Enid was almost spooked by Zim's sudden entrance and snapping, she looked up at him.  
  
"Uh, uh... we were just doing what.. what humans do when under.. under that." she pointed to the mistletoe hung above Zim's head. GIR was still stood there too, and looked up at the mistletoe. And yes, he had actually seen what had happened. A broad grin crossed the little robot's face.  
  
"Eh? Who's been hanging weeds on my ceiling?!" He then narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "And just what do humans do when-" he then noticed Gir's expression, "..why are you staring at me like that, Gir?"  
  
"Movie kissies!" the robot leapt up,  
  
"GIR, WHAT ARE YOU - ARGH!" Gir grabbed Zib around the collar and planted a big ole.. um, cold but wet one on Zim's lips, going  
  
"Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!" as he did. Zim's arms flailed, stumbling to balance himself, before he tried desperately to pull Gir away from his face, and then GIR released it with a "POP!" then landing on the ground. Zim had a look of mortification on his features when the robot finally dropped down.  
  
"I wuv you Master!" GIR laughed hysterically as he clung to his Master's legs, Zim shook his head,  
  
"That was.. DISGUSTING, Gir!" He rubbed his lips, "..not to mention cold!" Zib paused in his giggles, looking slightly disturbed by what he'd always considered his brother and Mother kissing, but he soon recovered, and found himself staring over at Enid instead, with one of those gushy, longing looks. Enid just stares blankly, then got to her feet quickly before Zim would realise that's what she and Zib had done.  
  
"Well Mr. Zim, nice seeing you and GIR and Zib again I hope you enjoy your week off from Hi Skool as much as I enjoy my time off Skool so... yeah. Later!" she gave a small wave to the three, then rushed from the room knowing all to well the wrath Zim had.  
  
"..aww.." Zib watched the object of his affections run off, and he slumped on the couch. Zim gave him an odd look,  
  
"You've been acting entirely too strange lately, young.. clone.. thingee!"  
  
"OooOOooOOooo!" GIR cooed from his place of still clinging to Zim's leg, then sang/taunted. "Mini-Master luvs Enid! Mini-Master luvs Enid!" then he erupted into his high pitched giggles again, falling onto the ground.  
  
"Wh-wha?!" he seemed snapped out of his trance by Gir's taunting, red suddenly appearing on his cheeks, "Don't.. don't be silly!"  
  
"You didn't do that awful lip-locky thing, did you?!"  
  
"Uh.. No, Mom.. Gir was just.. being odd. Yes, odd!" GIR, now forgetting about this topic started poking at the floor's tiled ground, trying to lift one up and eat it muttering about needing sauce, special Taco sauce but now and again chanting aloud his little sing song again. Zib tried to disappear into the couch, or his trench coat, whichever came first, pulling up the collar to cover his cheeks. Zim raised an eyelid at him, but was satisfied with his explaination,  
  
"Very well, but I don't want to see you doing what Gir did to that Reject-spawney thing, alright?" Zib blinked, then went very out of character and glared at his Mom,  
  
"She's not a Reject!" he said, a bit too quickly. Zim narrowed an eye at Zib, now GIR released from his leg he took a step towards him.  
  
"Are you defending the Reject-spawn Zib?" he said coldly as well as darkly. Behold Zim, master of saying spooky things. Oh boy, Zib now had further reason to try and disappear into the couch,  
  
"..well.. she isn't.." He said in a quieter tone, scrunching up his shoulders, still glaring slightly at Zim from over the top of his glasses.  
  
"Zib, she is the spawn of the Reject. Thus she has inherited his Rejecty-DNA stuffs thus making _her_ a Reject. Bring up the matter again and.. and... I'll make you clean the entire base or something mean." Zim stilld kept his cold and dark voice, even when he stumbled over what to threaten Zib with, see? Master. Zib's eyelid just twitched, and he didn't respond, just glaring cooly up at his Mom, the first hints of teenage defiance cropping up.  
  
Woo.. Zim better enjoy his control over his spawn while it lasts, Zib was already almost as tall as he was. Zim gave a sharp nod and stood up. Not saying anything else to Zib, he turned and walked from the room, his spider legs folding out and he pulled the mistletoe down and left the room, leaving Zib and GIR. Zib muttered under his breath and sat back up, looking down at Gir with the same glare, obviously not in such a good mood anymore.  
  
[To be continued!]


	2. Chapter 2

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Time passes, and soon enough it's Valentines Day! Woo, yes? We open on Enid who is sat on the fence of her house, the two main pieces that make the gate made of brick. She looks in deep thought, and it's probably over Valentines day and Zib. Seems ever since the mistletoe incident he's been getting weird around her, so she's been avoiding him now and again, but still he was her best friend and only person she spoke to in Skool, so you can imagine how hard it was for her to avoid him. She gave out a long sigh and flicked at her wig. ..when who should come walking down the street but Mr. Lovesick himself, one of his coat pockets looking unusually heavy. His face lit up when he saw her, and he quickened his pace,  
  
"Hey, Enid, how are you? I haven't seen much of you lately.." Poor guy, so enthralled the thought she might be avoiding him hadn't crossed his mind.  
  
"Oh, hi Zib.." she said, now crossing her legs where she sat, "Yeah sorry I've.. just been really busy with assignments and base chores 'n stuff." man, no matter how many times she done it, she hated lying to him and the cramps she'd been getting lately wasn't helping at all. Zib nodded and climbed up onto the fence, sitting beside her at an awfully close range,  
  
"I understand." His antennae perked, and seemed to somehow sense her demeanour, "Are you sure something isn't the matter?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure." she said, not feeling particularly safe what with having him this close. "...what's that?" she pointed to his pocket, which she had noticed from when he had arrived but was grasping at subjects of conversation that didn't involve herself.  
  
"Oh yeah! This is why I'm glad I found you.." He smiled slightly nervously and reached into his pocket, producing a baggy.. with some meat in it. Dun dun dun! He offered it over to her, "I know Irken skin gets all acidey and sticky when it comes into contact with meat, so I put it in this plastic container and - er, happy Valentines day, Enid," he stopped himself short of ranting, grinning at her nervously. Enid blinked, then stared at him.  
  
"....uh... thank you, Zib..." she took the bag from him and dared to open it and looked in. Yup, big hunk of meat in the bag which caused it to drip onto the ground. "Huh boy." she thought to herself, but then smiled at him. "Now you wait here I.. I gotta go get something." she slid off the fence and hurried into the base, and soon enough returned with a bag of her own and held it out to him.  
  
"Happy Valentines, Zib." Who knows why they had meat in their base, probably an assignment Cten had in biology or something, either way, it was a cows heart. And by that days standards, giving someone a cows heart as a Valentines was... well very big...course she didn't know this. Zib blinked repeatedly, taking the bag and looking at it,  
  
"..wow, Enid.." He looked over the bag at her and looked genuinely flattered, "I don't really get the tradtion of giving people meat, but I had no idea you'd go out of your way to give me something so.. special." He gave her happy, puppy dog eyes, and if she didn't know better she might swear it looked like he might be watery-eyed.  
  
"Aw, it's nothing." she shrugged, sitting back down besides him. "You didn't really have to get me anything but... it's fair to give you something in return 'n all that." He hugged the bag, making a face at the squelchy sound that ensued, but held onto it anyway.  
  
"Hey, I had to, afterall.. you are my best friend," he grinned at her again, maybe daring to scoot towards her an inch or so.  
  
"Yeah and... you're my best friend too, Zib." she grinned through her teeth, another cramp and another scooting from Zib both combining to give her a slight brainache. His antennae tilted slightly, and he looked confused when she scooted away,  
  
"What's wrong, En? You seem kinda sick.. or hurt.. or something." He looked honestly worried.  
  
"Oh.. lately I'm just... hurting a lot." she put a hand to her head, "Just y'know, squeedly spooch aches 'n sometimes my fingers bleed for no reason."  
  
"Your fingers?" He looked rather confused at that, "..have you told your parents, or something?" He hopped off the fence and moved to stand in front of her, frowning and looking for some sign of injury, or illness, or anything his very limited medical experience could spot.  
  
"No, I don't want Daddy to get all worried and Mom's been really busy with her assignments lately." she replied, looking at her fingers that at the moment, luckily weren't bleeding the purple-reddy kinda ooze. "Besides, it doesn't last that long."  
  
"Something could be seriously wrong! I can't say I know a whole lot about Irken biology, but organ pains can't be good for any species!" He took her wrist when she held it up to look at it, looking at her firmly, "I'll tell them for you if I have to, En, there might be something really.. bad going on!" He made 'bad' fingers with his free hand. She sighed, what made her tell him about this anyway?  
  
"Oh, fine..." she said, then smiled somewhat. Hey, not many other folks cared about her as much as Zib did, "Thanks." Zib shook his head slightly,  
  
"I.. care about you, Enid, I don't like seeing you hurt." He reached over to hold her wrist with both hands, but his hand ended up wrapping around her own hand instead - dun dun! Enid looked at his hands, then blinked. Seems something finally is being triggered in that brain of hers, doesn't it? You may all celebrate happily now! She looked up at him and smiled, somewhat warmly at him.  
  
"'N I care about you Zib, and you know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. Heck, we both know from previous experiences..."  
  
"I might not be very big or strong or able to defend you from most outside dangers," He looked down slightly, as he admitted the obvious, then let go of her wrist, clenching the fingers into a fist, "But I might be able to defend you against horrible.. germ thingees with my incredible knowledge of science!" ..as incredible as a 6th grade level of science knowledge could be considered, at least.  
  
"Heh… that's what matters to me Zib, those bullies are no trouble." She grinned at him, then got off the fence slowly. "Now come on, we gotta alert Daddy to my.. bleeding stuff." Zib helped her down as best he could and, still holding her hand, lead her into the base. Poe was in the living room, and was.. vaccuuming? Well, maybe staying at home all the time was getting to him..  He looked up when the door opened,  
  
"Oh, hi En, and.. Zib?" He raised an antennae suspiciously when he noticed the location Zib was tugging Enid along by.  
  
"Uh yeah, hi Daddy." Enid gave a small wave to her Father with her free hand, smiling as innocently as she could.  
  
"Poe, I'm afraid your hatchling could have something seriously wrong with her!" Zib announced gravely in a formal tone, looking up at the Reject, and Poe looked somewhat bemused, shutting off the vaccuum and leaning his elbow against the handle.  
  
"Oh really?" His daughter nodded firmly in responce,  
  
"And I didn't tell you cause I didn't want you to worry, but Zib says you should know so.. that's why we're here." she explained.  
  
"She's reported bleeding from her fingertips and.. and.. sickiness!" Zib made sicky-noise fingers with his free hand, still holding onto Enid's hand with the other one, aww. He looked over at En, "..er, anything else?" Poe raised both antennae at this,  
  
"It might be better to tell your _Mom_ about this, En.."  
  
"Don't you know?" Enid looked somewhat surprised at this, since Poe had always been so... learn-ed to her and knowing all kinds of stuff.  
  
"Well, uh.." Poe drummed his chin, "This sounds like it may be.. shall we say.. a female issue?" Zib looked slightly confused at this,  
  
"..an affliction that affects only females?"   
  
"Really?" Enid looked at her finger tips, examining them closely. "But... guys have fingers too though...." she mumbled more to herself, then looked at Poe. "So where is Mom?"  
  
"I think she was in the lab doing one of her assignments." Well, having a super alien computer made research much easier, afterall.  
  
"Oh okay." she nodded, dropping her hand back down.  
  
"C'mon!" Zib tugged Enid over to one of the Top Secret entrances to the lower labs, blinking and making Poe wonder briefly how he knew them, before the Reject went back to his vacuuming. Zib hit the buttons for the lab level, having memorized them since they were basically the same at Zim's base. Down below the earth's surface, Cten's base stretched out and there, was the main lab. Cten was in her normal Irken attire, checking over the large monitor which now held the picture of a chicken, but had the insides of the chicken visible. She had a hand to her chin, making 'hmmm' sounds now and again, before jotting down somethings on a note pad to her right.  
  
"Ms. Cten?" Zib called out tentatively when the door opened, stepping out into the lab and looking around, "Uh, Poe said you might need to know about a problem Enid's having..." Cten didn't look up from her pad, but talked either way.  
  
"What is it loves?" she then pressed another button on the screen, the chicken being replaced with that of a cow.  
  
"She said she's been having.. bleedy.. sicky problems.." Zib simplified, though even from that vauge description it'd be pretty obvious. _That_ got Cten's attention. She whipped around in her seat, antennae straighter.  
  
"Already!?" she semi-squeaked.  
  
"...um... is it bad?" Enid asked, not liking the look on her Mother's face. Cten got down from her seat, approached the two.  
  
"Oh Enid I just... now al... wah!" with that she threw her arms around Enid's shoulders and hugged her. "My baby's growing up!" she wailed, muffled somewhat by Enid's shoulder. Enid, say the least looks confused and just stares at Zib blankly. Zib looked back and shrugged helplessly, coughing quietly and looking over,  
  
"Is.. um.. she going to be alright, Ms. Cten?"  
  
"Oh she's going to be fine!" Cten then cupped Enid's face in her hands, "Honey, you're just... becoming a grown up! Well, body wise anyway!" Enid blinked a few times.  
  
"That's good, right?"  
  
"Oh yes!"  
  
"So bleeding and cramping is a normal part of the Irken life cycle?" Zib wondered, tapping his chin with his free hand and looking upwards thoughtfully, "Yet it affects only females?"  
  
"Well yes, it's the bodies way of telling her that it's preparing for when.. uh, she'll have to lay eggs and reproduce. But that won't be for a long time, right?" Cten gave Enid a look, startling her with the look Enid just nodded in responce. "But Males have their own way but it's totally different." she said back to Zib. Zib blinked a few times, a blush creeping into his cheeks,  
  
"Oh.. _oh_." He then blinked again at the latter statement, "..we do?" He suddenly paled, not looking forward to bleeding or cramping..  
  
"Yes Zib, you do." she let go of Enid, smirking somewhat. "But you don't bleed or cramp, so don't worry about that."  
  
"Lucky." Enid grumbled.  
  
"Oh.." he relaxed slightly, then tensed up again, "So you mean.. it could be even worse?!"  
  
"Well I think your Mother should be the one to explain it to you, not me." Cten replied simply.  
  
"Oh yeah.. Dad told me to ask him about Irken puberty a while ago.. I kinda forgot." He reached back with his free hand, scratching his hair and twiddling his fingers that were interlaced with Enid's, inadvertantly drawing attention to them.  
  
"So is that all you wanted to ask me about?" Cten asked, trying to ignore the fact they'd been holding hands all throught this conversation.  
  
"I think so yeah." Enid replied. Zib nodded,  
  
"Thanks Ms. Cten, I- er, we were worried, I thought she might have some kind of horrible organ-eating disease!"  
  
"...oh I see." she said.  
  
"But, we know it's not now so thanks Mom!" Enid smiled at Cten, before turning and leading Zib out the lab.  
  
"Oh. Bye..!" Cten gave a small wave to the vanishing youngsters. Zib waved back before stumbling to catch up with Enid,  
  
"Okay, so maybe I overreacted a little.." he mumbled under his breath as they went back up to the upper stories.   
  
"Aw it was still sweet of you." Enid said, looking back at him as they entered the elevator again. Zib grinned widely at this, the hint of blush returning to his features,  
  
"Can't help it if I'm paranoid, I mean, look at my Dad and all.." he said, somewhat sheepishly. The elevator opened, and Poe had apparently procured a duster, and, much to Beka's probable distress, was still cleaning. He glanced over at the two kids,  
  
"So I take it it's not life threatening?"  
  
"Nope, all a part of growing up Mom says." Enid replied, stepping out of the elevator. Beka was seen in the corner, looking a at loss of what to do, so was just polishing her own hands. Well, Poe had to do something to keep himself entertained, and he was starting to get a tiny gut from all his loitering around.  
  
"I thought so," He tossed the duster from one hand to the other and swabbing the tops of the cabinents anew, something his height was useful for. Zib blinked at the Reject turned househusband, then shook his head,  
  
"So whaddya wanna do now, Enid? Go to the park?"   
  
"Eh sure, why not?" Enid shrugged, then looked down at Beka. "Beka, my room's a mess. If you want to go clean it you-" she didn't even get a chance to complete the sentace, the little robot had rushed out the room already. "Heh, win win situation..."  
  
"Alright!" Zib's face lit up, and he soon dragged En out the door, to the park, which was rife with Valentines cheer.. whoo boy. Poe watched them leave out of the corner of his eye, before placing the duster down and taking the elevator down to the lower story, wandering up to Cten's back,  
  
"I guess our little hatchling's becoming an adult, huh?" He said, possibly surprising her since he never had gotten out of the habit of skulking around in the shadows silently. Cten glanced back at him from her large monitor, then swiveled around in her seat so she was now facing him.  
  
"It would seem that way, yes... and it seems like only yesterday she hatched, doesn't it?" you could so see the nostalgic look on her face, her antennae drooping somewhat. Poe nodded,  
  
"I guess it has to happen to them all someday.." He put his hand on her shoulder and looked up slightly, "I can't say I'm really looking forward to seeing it though.." His antennae twitched slightly, "I think I was more fond of Zib when he was an.. er.. spawnling too.." Someone's going to be a protective daddy, obviously. =P She glanced at him, smirking somewhat and put her hand over his.  
  
"Now now Poe, if something happens something happens..." she grinned slightly then sighed. "They grow up way too fast for my liking either way."  
  
"Well, we could always have more," he teased, grinning down at her, "I'm not sure I want to go through the diaper changing phase again though.."  
  
"And I'm not sure I want to go through the laying phase again." she smirked at him, poking his semi-gut. "Though it looks like _you're_ the one expecting."  
  
"Hey!" He squirmed, ticklish, "It was just a suggestion, you don't have to make fun of me for it," He huffed in mock indignance, sticking out the tip of his tongue down at her.  
  
"So, whens it due?" she grinned up at him.  
  
"Oh feh." He swatted at her antennae playfully, then recalled aloud with a hint of mischeviousness, "Hey, it's that human lovey dovey holiday, isn't it?"   
  
"Valentines Day?" she glanced at the human calander hanging near by. "Yes... what about it?" she asked innocently.  
  
"I know it's pointless to Irkens, but I figure, so long as we're on the planet, I got somethin' for you." He grinned broadly and produced meat-inna-baggie much like Zib had earlier, handing it to her and leaning down, kissing her forehead, aww!  
  
"Aw Poe!" Cten hugged the bag, despite the squishy sound very much similar to how Zib had reacted to his Valentines.  
  
"I'm glad you appreciate it, I had to resist the urge to eat it along the way." He grinned,  
  
"Ookay I admit, I got you something as well." she grinned slightly, leaning back in her chair and pulled out a bag too, seems she was doing biology to much! Poe then tilted his head,  
  
"Aw, you shouldn't have.." she handed him the bag,   
  
"Happy Valentines Day Mr. Poe." Poe looked at the contents, licking his lips - the Valentines meat doubled as both a card _and_ chocolate for him. Cten then leaned up and kissed him on the lips, he laughed and hugged her tightly, kissing back,  
  
"Maybe these humans are onto something, huh?"  
  
"It would seem like it, yes..." she replied, getting up. "And seeing as how Enid has gone out, why don't you and I just.. you know." she grinned at him, sounding somewhat mischevious now.  
  
"Ooh? Taking me up on my previous suggestion?" He waggled his eye-ridges, squeezing her and dipping her onto her back slightly, "If you think you can tear yourself away from chicken anatomy.."  
  
"Oh dookie to chicken anatomy, I'm about to take a class on Irken anatomy first hand." she giggled up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held onto her with one arm, removing it from his coat sleeve, before alternating and doing the same with the other, shrugging it off,  
  
"Well, I'll be happy to be your specimen any day," he grinned toothily, before suddenly leaning back and hefting her off her feet, "Maybe we could find a more comfortable place than the metal lab floor, though?" Cten giggled, kicking one leg up.  
  
"To the bedroom!" she declared, boy when was the last time these two had been allowed to be alone long enough to do anything of this area? A while, let me tell ya.  
  
"You're the boss," he snickered, carting them to the elevator, to the home level and into the bedroom, setting her down onto her back on the bed and snuggling on top of her, proceeding with much nuzzling and kissing and winding of antennae and even a nibble or two, like a pair of overgrown teenagers in the back seat of a car.  
  
And now we leave these two to uh... get reaquainted in the Irken love making thingiee and we pan across town to the park where Zib and Enid now are. The swings are empty, luckily enough, and they're both sat on the swings watching the lovey dovey couples all around. You can imagine the make out sessions going on, can you not? Zib kicked his feet, hanging onto the chains holding up the seat and swaying back and forth. In his state of pre-teen confusion, he was torn between being grossed out by the making out going on around, or, er, inspired. Either way, he was kind of nervously silent.  
  
"So, um.."  
  
"Yeah so... uh... does your Mom like Valentines Day at.. uh, all?" Enid, being Enid was throughly kinda grossed out by it all happening around her, so that's why she was suddenly so interested in her boots, yup, blue boots. Don't see them everyday!  
  
"Nah, he doesn't like any human holidays.. Though, I guess you can't really blame him, it's not like he's got anyone else." He blew his bangs out of his face and glanced skywards, "I guess I could feel sorta sorry for him.."  
  
"Yeah sorta." she shrugged. It was hard for her to be even sorta sorry for Mr. Zim, what with all throughout her life he was either screeching about something, planning some doom and what-not. Plus what her Dad said about him didn't help much either. "Didn't he have anyone at sometime...?" she glanced over at Zib. Zib shook his head and scratched at the dirt with the tip of his pointy black boots.  
  
"Nah, weirdly enough, the person he cares the most about, in a weird, hateful way, is Dad. They're always trying to doom each other."  
  
"Oh. Now that's sad." unbeknownst to Zib and Enid, but beknownst to us, the mighty Zim has been awfully sneaky and whatnot, and placed a chip thingie on the back of Zib's boot! The reason being? So he can hear all what they're speaking of, ain't he uh, Zimmish? Yes. Anyway, back to the two. "So what about your Dad? Anyone for him on Valentines Day or what?"  
  
"Heck naw, he's told me that Girls would just get in the way of his research. He probably doesn't even know what today is." He looked over at her, raising an eyebrow, "What about your parents?"   
  
"_My_ parents? Um, well..." she trailed off, kicking at the ground. "Well... ever since I was no longer a smeet they always told me to go out for a while on Valentines day, so... I think they like it." Zim, wherever he was, made an icky-yucky face. Zib made a slight face as well,  
  
"I guess so.. what do you think they _do_?" Maybe he was just morbidly curious, or his Dib side was wondering about alien reproduction habits.  
  
"...I dunno... that?" she pointed to one couple who were busy with their make out and what not.  
  
"Yeah.. I guess.. uh.. people.. get interested.. in that stuff as they get older." He looked in the direction of her pointing finger, coughing slightly.  
  
"I'll say... Mom 'n Daddy do that the more gentle way though when I'm around." Enid, like other kids didn't like seeing her parents kiss or show any kind of affection for the other, so she looked somewhat disturbed.  
  
"Guess I'm lucky I don't have to see my parents do that stuff," He wrinkled the area his nose would be, "Though hearing them fight'n scream and blow stuff up isn't much fun either.."  
  
"Hehe, it'd be funny if they did what my parents did and my parents did what yours did." she smirked slightly at the idea of her Mom soaking her Dad with a bucket of water or something.  
  
"Funny? I dunno, I'd call it disturbing if my parents were like yours.." He made another face and shuddered, "..I do NOT want to imagine that." Too late, Enid was already laughing at the idea of Zim and Dib being all mushy like. Zim though, did not look like the laughing type at the present moment in time, he looks like the 'I'm about to hurl' type. Zib stuck out the tip of his flat tongue, squeezing his eyes shut,  
  
"That's nasty, En!" He stopped, pondered, "It WOULD be ironic though.." and started to giggle a bit.  
  
"I know!" Enid burst out with a hysterical laugh, no idea where she got that from since neither Poe or Cten had the 'insane laugh' theing happening. "Oh Zim my darling!" Zib's laughter got a bit louder, and he leaned back in the seat, doing a fairly good impression of his Mom,  
  
"You know I only doom you because I love you, Dib!"   
  
"All the times I wanted to slice you open, cause you're my love pig!" Enid cackled loudly, by now the two were getting rather odd looks from the couples around them in the park. Zib sniggered and snort-giggled, still going his Zim impersination between snickers,  
  
"I bet you just wanted to see me strapped to a table, naked!"  
  
"You know it alien beast of love!" she had tears running down her face now, role playing Zib's parents was more fun then she thought it was!  
  
"Now we know what Dad really means when he says he wants to study alien anatomy.." Zib cackled along with her, man, was Zim ever gonna be happy with him when he got home. Enid sighed, chuckling now and again. "Oh boy..." Zib slid a claw beneath his glasses and wiped away a tear, and a spontaneous look of horror crossed his features,  
  
"..now I wonder if they really ARE like that and just use the whole hate-doom thingee to throw everyone off track.."  
  
"...you really think so?" Enid raised an eyebrow, thinking that possibly that was right. "Hey yeah! How many times has your Mom had the chance to destroy your Dad and just passed it up? I mean, he can't be stupid can he?" Zib scrunched back in his seat, looking a bit scared now,  
  
"Yeah.. or how Dad's always chasing him around instead of going ga-ga over human Girls like most normal human males that age.."  
  
"Eeeuuuwwwwwww!" Enid scrunched her face up, looking disgusted now. "Your parents might really BE in love!" Zib pulled his double hair-scythe-dash-antennae over his eyes.  
  
"Aw man, they can't be! They always talk about how much they hate each other, even when they think there's no one else around!" He blinked, lifting his scythes slightly, "Unless they're in denial.. Argh, brain, stop that!" He clawed at his head.   
  
"Yuck, parents are icky even if they don't show they love each other!" Enid claimed, shaking her head to clear her mind of the image.  
  
"Yeah.. hope I never become one," he said firmly. Just remind your teenage self of that in a few years, Zib..  
  
"Yeah I mean... ick!" the imagery of her parents, now even Zib's parents being lovey had possibly destroyed any love ideas in her mind for say, a couple of years too.  
  
"Stupid.. grown up.. hormoney things," He glared at the ground, shuddering again at the evil possibilities his brain had concocted. Or maybe at the fact such imagry eventually lead his brain back to Enid, who knew.  
  
"Yeah, really..." she muttered. "Let's have a change of subject, what do you say?" she looked over at him.  
  
"..huh? Oh, good idea." He slapped his cheek to snap himself out of the self-induced trance, "So, uh, how much, er, time do you think we should give your parents?" He looked around at the playground, which was getting kind of uncomfortable, to say the least, with all the hormoney humans, "Or maybe both sets of parents.." he muttered disgustedly.  
  
"Uhmm... I'm not too sure... hey! I learnt how to tell your fotrune you know?" she perked up as she thought of something besides hormones, love and parents combined togther to form one icky mass of.. stuff.  
  
"My fortune?" He looked over at her with slight confusion, "You mean like a future thingee? How?"  
  
"Like this." she stood up and took his claw into her hand, and looked down at it. "Oh man... Zib you're gonna be rich!" she grinned as she traced her fingers over the lines in his claw. Zib blinked down at his claw,  
  
"How.. can you.. tell that? And why are you looking at my hand?" He looked really confused, now.   
  
"Well they say that you can tell a person's future by reading the lines in their hands... and you have a really long money line in your claw see?" she ran the tip of her claw down the middle of his claw, "And a long life see?" she drawn on the one that went around his 'thumb'. "Man you really are gonna be rich..."  
  
"O-oh." Zib blinked, watching her move her claw about on his palm, shivering slightly, "I.. I see.." He seemed kind of distracted, for some reason.  
  
"There's the mansion.. there's the lab... and there.." He perked his antennae forward, starting to gain interest in something other than the fact she was touching his hand, she then grinned somewhat evilly, then spat onto his hand. Aw, gotta love her tom boy-ness don't ya?  
  
"And there is the swimming pool." Zib reeled back when she spit on his hand,  
  
"HEY! Yuck!" He tried to yank his hand back.  
  
"Sorry Zib, I couldn't resist." she grinned at him, leant forward and gave him a smooch on the forehead in another attempt to apologise. He managed to wipe his hand off on his coat, then blinked in surprise when she kissed his forehead. He grinned suddenly, in that stupid, silly way,  
  
"That's alright.." She smirked at his goofy face, then took his hand.  
  
"C'mon, let's get away from all the smoochyness."  
  
"Aw.." You could swear he looked disappointed for a moment, then quickly slid off of the swing and followed after her, "I dunno, on a day like this I think the smoochiness will be everywhere humans are.."  
  
"Well... let's go where there aren't any humans then." she replied, walking over a couple that were making out on the ground.  
  
"You mean, like the woods?" He looked slightly doubtful, not that the woods bordering the suburban area was terribly threatening, but still.  
  
"Eh, it'd be a change I'll tell you that." she mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, but.. the only time I've been out there is with Dad.." He followed behind her closely as they left the park, the tree tops looming in the distance.  
  
"So you know your way around then?" she glanced back at him.  
  
"Well.. not.. REALLY.. It's been a while since I've done anything with Dad, much less been out on a trip.." He looked up at the trees, "It doesn't help that we went in there looking for monsters.."  
  
"Oh... well let's see what we find then." the two soon enough entered the woods, the bug thingie on Zib's heel being knocked off by a rock he stood on.  
  
[To be continued!]


	3. Chapter 3

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Zib looked around at the surrounding trees, doing something rare and actually buttoning up his coat to prevent it from snagging on the bramble and low branches. It wasn't too threatening yet, rather sunshiney with birds singing and such, but he looked, well, scared. Poor guy. Enid on the other hand didn't look bothered at all by the surroundings as she stepped over fallen logs, rubbish that was now and again tossed into the woods so lazy folk wouldn't have to be tidy, and so forth. She grinned as some light shone through the trees,  
  
"Gee this place is neat…"  
  
"If you say so.." It's a good thing she was so enrapt by her surroundings, or otherwise En'd probably be haggling him for being a wussy. @_@ He followed her with some difficulty, having to clamber over some of the logs she was able to step over, "Hey, wait up!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry." she stopped walking by a big oak, and leaned against it. "I think it's neat, Mom's shown me images from Irk 'n they have nothing like this!" Zib caught up with her and leaned his claws against the tree, slumped forward and huffing slightly, apparently about as much in shape as any geeky type. He pushed up his glasses,  
  
"My Mom said that Irk was almost totally industrailized, and that Irkens have planets set aside for when they're in nature.. recreationey.. moods." He looked around, "I wonder if those are like this.."  
  
"I'd think so." Enid looked up at a metallic squirrel which was staring down at the two, then it vanished up into the tree. "Wonder what kind of wild life they got though..." she muttered more to herself.  
  
"I'm not sure.. Dad thinks these woods might have some kind of cryptozoological life forms in them, though," He straighened, brushing off his coat, "He says we're too far south for Big.. feet, and too far north for Chupacabra, so there'd have to be something in this ecological niche.." he started to ramble on, rattling off things Dib had probably told him. Enid continued glancing around, half listening to Zib's Dib-like ramblings about the paranormal. She knew paranormal stuff existed, heck, _she_ was alive for one thing. She kept walking, stepping over a big fallen log,  
  
"Maybe mutants caused by biochemical warfare or pollution...!" she said, stopping by a small puddle of muddy water.  
  
"Hm.. maybe. I'm not sure if there are any swamps or ponds around here, though, I think you'd need still poluted water for little.. mutant ecosystems to form," He kneeled down by the puddle, getting a stick and poking it into the water. The puddle wobbled by the poking by the stick, then the mud formed a hand and yanked the stick into the puddle. Enid blinked, since she had been watching.  
  
"...guess so." Zib yelped and dropped the stick, falling away from the puddle and scooting backwards quickly, probably back into Enid's legs,  
  
"What the heck?!'  Enid leant over, her hair now hanging above Zib's antennae/hair thingies.  
  
"Mutated mud puddles?"  
  
"Apparently," He scowled at the puddle for making him jump, then squirmed, reaching up to swat at her dangling hair, "That tickles!"  
  
"Heee.." she shook her head, making her hair brush over his antennae/hair more. "Good!" Zib covered his head feebly and tried to scrunch up his shoulders, but the tips of his hair-antennae kept sticking out, victim to her hair. He fought back the giggles with little success, and whined,  
  
"Aw, stop!"  
  
"Aw you baby." she smirked, then actually picked him up by placing her claws under his arms and hefted him up.  
  
"H-hey!" He kicked his legs feebly and looked over his shoulder back at her, scowling slightly, "What're you gonna do with me?"  
  
"...I dunno." she then slumped him over her shoulder, and continued walking on. Zib blinked dumbly as he was slung along like a sack of potatos, debating internally about whether or not to remind her he could walk on his own, or simply be content to be carried.  
  
"So, uh," he addressed the woods he was facing, "..where are we going?"  
  
"I dunno, see where the woods lead us?" she asked, hopping over a small stream which was more mud then water. She ducked down since one tree branch was a bit low, luckily avoiding hitting Zib's head too.  
  
"Just as long as we can find our way out again.." he murmured, resting his cheek in his palm and drumming his other claws against her shoulder.  
  
"Oh sure we can, we got searchy thingies in our Pods, remember?" Enid kept walking, then eventually stopped after a while since the woods were now rather thick, and no more light could get through the trees.  
  
"If they haven't been scrambled by some mysterious paranormal force.." He gulped, having a healthy dose of paranoia in him, looking up at the dark canopy and actually clinging onto Enid like an overgrown baby. Enid glanced at his, erm, behind since that's all she could really see of him, minus his legs of course.  
  
"Oh calm down, we'll be fine! We're advanced spcies of-" she was cut off by a sudden clap of thunder, and it began to rain. Enid groaned, kinda despite the fact smoke was beginning to rise from her skin. "...nevermind."  
  
"Oh, great," he clutched his head to try and keep out the rain, the rain not having nearly so bad an effect on him, but he got itchy. "Maybe there's some place we could take shelter around here?"  
  
"Maybe.." she then glanced at a patch where no rain was, since the tree was very big and bushy. She walked over and stood there, then plonked Zib down onto the ground before sitting down herself. Zib scooted up next to her tightly, since it wasn't a very big spot and all, of course, scratching at his scalp and muttering under his breath.  Enid just sat there, the smoke raising from her beginning to ease off as she began to somewhat dry.  
  
"That's the one thing I hate about this planet..." she muttered.  
  
"Yeah, it is," He looked down at his coat and frowned, unbuttoning it and taking it off since it was wet and just going to make him itchier, leaving him in a T-shirt version of Zim's Invader uniform, "Stupid rain, now I'm going to have to carry this!"  
  
"Poor you." she muttered, sores beginning to pop up over her skin and hands now. "I just hope it doesn't last that long..." He looked over at her and frowned, noticing the sores.  
  
"Hmm.." He sat up on his knees an rummaged around in his coat, "I think Mom gave me some water-burn healing lotion.. aha!" He pulled out a tube with Irken lettering on it, and slathered some goop onto one of his hands, "Here, lemme see your arms." Enid blinked, and rolled up the arm of her jacket, revealing the sores and such.  
  
"...it isn't gonna hurt is it?"  
  
"Well.. it doesn't really hurt that much when I use it, so maybe not, but you never know." He set the goo-ed up hand on her arm and started rubbing up and down gently, just in case it did. She bit her bottom lip, obviously did a tiny bit but she did her best _not_ to show it. Zib finished with what he could reach of that arm, taking the other one and treating it simularly, then looking up at her face and scrutinizing it, reaching up and setting his claws against her cheek, lathering the lotion in with his thumb. Enid stared back at him as he did her cheek, tilting her head to the side. I might add she's looking more at his eyes then just his face.  
  
"There, almost.." He blinked and glanced away from her cheek and into her eyes as well, trailing off, his hand stilling and just resting against her cheek. She smiled as their eyes met, and do I detect a hint of a blush forming? Yes, yes Enid is blushing! The corner of Zib's mouth curled up into a slight smile, his other hand, which had been holding her wrist, sliding downward to hold her hand, and he inched forward. Enid's hand held onto his, and she began to somewhat inch towards him as her eyes began to close somewhat. He stood up on his knees so he might be a bit more level with her, closing his eyes and even maybe pulling her forward slightly. Meanwhile, Zim had started to get worried after Zib's transmitter had fallen off, even _if_ he hadn't been very happy with the spawn for inferring things, he was rather unhappy when he'd discovered the bug just outside the woods, and was running somewhat recklessly through the woods, with an umbrella, looking for him. And he pulled a bush out of the way, _just _as Zib and Enid were about to kiss properly for the first time. Enid squeaked and reeled back away from Zib, both neither spawns realising that the rain had stopped since they were obviously busy with _other_ matters. Zib blinked out of his daze when she squeeked, then looked back at the bush that'd just been yanked away. The hand that'd been on her cheek was now floating in the air where her cheek had been, but he was still holding her hand.  
  
"Uh.. hi.. Mom.." He grinned sheepishly at Zim, who looked like he might burst a blood vessel,  
  
"What's going on here?!"  
  
"Uuhh..." Enid was about to explain when Cten and Poe arrived? What the heck? Obviously, since it had began raining and both knew that Enid hadn't prepared herself, they'd dashed out to find her using the tracking device they had. And yeah, their clothes are pretty crease-like and such.  
  
"Enid!" Cten threw her arms around her daughter, Enid looking quite confused letting go of Zib's hand in the process. Zib looked at the gathering dumbly, scrunching back into his t-shirt and probably blushing; he was just about to get his first kiss when _both_ their families showed up, what a way to ruin a mood.  
  
"..just what IS going on here?" Poe glanced at the spawns skeptically,  
  
"That's what I'D like to know!" shrieked Zim, and Zib looked around,  
  
"We were just.. uh.. Enid had some sores on her from the rain so I was giving her some of that burn lotion.. see?" he held up the tube as proof.  
  
"My poor baby!" Cten, still switched on 'Mother mode' kept Enid in her arms.  
  
"That's right, he was!" Enid said from the clutches of her Mother's arms, then looked confused. "Mum, why do you smell of chocolate syrup?"  
  
"Uh.." Poe suddenly looked rather flush, "That's not important, En," he answered for Cten quickly, "We just have to get you home before it starts raining again!" Zim narrowed his eyes at Zib,  
  
"I hope this mushy human holidayness hasn't been getting to your brain, Zib! Now put on your coat-"  
  
"It's all wet-"  
  
"Put it on!" Zib flinched and quickly complied, standing quickly and wondering how long he had to live, by the tone in Zim's voice. Zim marched over to him, grabbed him by one of his hair-antennae, and started to march him off painfully. Cten got up, helping Enid to her feet and Enid watched Zib being carted off. Oh boy, she looked at her parents then smiled somewhat.  
  
"Come on hon..." she sighed and followed her parents off after Zim and Zib. She knew she'd get a good talking to, but what would Zib have to put up with? Shudder at the thought. He was already getting some of his punishment by being dragged along by his sensitive, modified antennae, while Zim was ranting at length about how he shouldn't wanter off on his own and ignoring any attempt Zib made at pointing out Enid was with him, and then Zim went into a speil about how proper Irkens shouldn't practice human holidays and how Zib was to stay away from that other spawn and whatnot. He sure was upset with Zib, probably something to do with that evesdropping he'd done. Poe, meanwhile, didn't look all that comfortable out in Nature, being far more use to cities and such,  
  
"En, just why were you two out here in the first place?"  
  
"We... we got fed up with everyone in the park with their mushy stuff..." she said while walking after her parents, luckily both knowing the way out of the woods. Now she could sell her Father reeked of caramel syrup, she didn't want to even think about why the two smelt of chocolate.  
  
"Fed up with it, huh?" He said skeptically, "There looked like there was a little more than lotion application going on back there.." Cten gave Poe a slight glare for that remark, but kept quiet either way. Poe gave Cten a helpless 'Whaaat?' look over Enid's head, Enid blushed deeply and folded her arms.  
  
"That wasn't any of your business.." she muttered more to herself then a responce to Poe, who then looked down at his spawn,  
  
"Hey, last time I knew you didn't want anything to do with Zib like that."  
  
"I still don't! I... wait..." Enid sighed and leaned against Cten as she wrapped her arm around her. "I'm confused, that's all." she muttered as her Mom stroked her face, which didn't nearly as hurt as much as it had.  
  
"It comes with the age." Poe murmured in resignation and ran his claws though the top of Enid's wig affectionately. Soon enough, they were out of the woods, Zib leaning wearily against a tree while Zim continued his verbal assult. Enid just continued muttering to herself, keeping her eyes to the ground.  
  
"Zim..." Cten finally spoke up, now calmed down somewhat more and noticing how distraught Zib looked through the verbal assults.  
  
"And furthermore- what?!" Zim turned his glare over to Cten, just oozing foul-mood-ness. Zib looked greatful for the break, blowing at his bangs and sinking into a slumping position.  
  
"I know you're angry at the two of them." Cten said simply, holding Enid close to her as she spoke. "But they're almost teenagers now, and soon you won't be able to control Zib like you do now." Enid kept looking at the ever interesting ground, then realised a worm had crawled up onto her boot.  
  
"Ick." she thought.  
  
"He is my spawn and I will control him however long I please!" Zim snapped, "Maybe it's you who should think about controlling your spawn, since from what I understand she carted Zib into the forest bodily!" Zib groaned and held his forehead,  
  
"That's not what I said.."  
  
"You, telling me how to raise my daughter? And you just threw back what I said in my face and what am I supposed to do?" Cten narrowed an eye, "Bow down before your all knowing ness? Sorry Zim, you won't get that from me and-"  
  
"Yes, yes I did cart him into the woods okay?!" Enid snapped, gaining attention from the group. "You happy now?! Huh?! Zib's my friend and we mess around like that okay?! Or weren't you ever little huh?!" boy, Enid snapped.   
  
"You should be glad to bow down before Zim!" He huffed and dropped his umbrella in front of him like a shield, pointing it at Enid and shaking it, "And no one asked for your opini-" He was cut off as Poe suddenly had enough, his claws digging into the top of Zim's umbrella and yanking it away from the Invader by force. Zim eeped as he was suddenly disarmed, and Poe glared at him and growled,  
  
"My daughter has just as much right to speak as you do, don't you _dare_ wave things at her threateningly.." By now, the group had gotten a small crowd of watchers, watching the group of green skinned 'children' - really unaware that two of them were over the 100 age mark. Yeek. Enid was now quiet again, not really sure what to say next. Cten sighed, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Men." she muttered to herself. "Look, boys… could we try to avoid resulting to violence this time? Huh?" she asked aloud, judging by the looks on both Poe and Zim's faces something would bound to happen. Zib shrunk back from the two male Irkens and managed to sneak over to Enid, giving her a worried look. Enid just gave Zib a just as worried glance back at him. Poe let out a slow hiss as he looked down at Zim, who was glaring for all his worth, and threw the now torn umbrella aside.  
  
"I am far above using violence to solve interpersonal conflict," Zim stated in his defense, putting his claws to his chest indignantly, "So tell that to your savage Reject _mate_," he spat the word.   
  
"He can hear you, you know that." Cten replied, folding her arms, then casting a glare at an obese child that was staring at them.  
  
"Well then, I suggest you get him a collar and leash, or maybe a muzzle!" Zim snorted, and Poe narrowed his eyes, stewing while his fists clenched and unclenched.  
  
"I never knew my Mom was suicidal.." Zib murmured to himself and Enid and rolled his eyes, sitting in the grass.  
  
"Oh Tallest..." Cten ran a hand her blonde bangs, "Why do you make things so... so... uncomfortable Zim? Could you tell me?" she held her hands out, shrugging somewhat. "No matter what we try to do it never makes you happy so what can we do, huh? Besides leave the planet and/or galaxy."  
  
"I suggest you start by training your pet Reject!" He marched over to Zib and yanked him by the antennae again, to his feet, "And you, get away from her! We're going HOME."  
  
"Yes Mom.." Zib moaned quietly, rubbing his sore scalp and trudging along behing Zim, slumped.  
  
"And I suggest _you_ get evaluated..." Cten grunted more to herself as she watched Zim yank Zib to his feet. Zim twitched as he picked up the drift of the comment and turned on his heels, always having to have the last word,  
  
"Might I remind you which of us acts like a proper Irken and not some.. lovey dovey human?! I don't dally about with garbage eaters!" He turned back and continued dragging the bedraggled Zib away. A low growl started to rise in Poe's throat, but he swallowed it back, not wanting to just prove Zim's point about him being animal-like.  
  
"Least I wasn't _EXCILED_!!" Enid's eyes widened at her Mom, Cten then realising what she'd snapped out. "..I mean.. Uhh...." she blinked, then ran off in the opposite direction, running over some little kid on a trike. Enid blinked a few times, raising an eyebrow at Poe, who blinked blankly back at Enid when Cten ran off, then looked in the Maid's direction,  
  
"Cten? Wait!" He reached down and took Enid's hand, taking her along as he chased after her Mother. Zim froze when he heard those words, bristling, and started muttering up a storm about what a nice subordinate Cten use to be and how the Reject's filled her head with lies and what not as both groups went off in opposite directions. Then pan back, and we see.. Dib? Yes, Dib! He's been watching the entire thing, and he puts a hand to his chin after he jots down a few notes.  
  
"Exciled... in denial..." he turned and walked off possibly back to his home.  
  
"Cten, where are you going?" Poe ran after her, jumping over the toppled kid, his longer legs catching up to her fairly quickly, "What's wrong?" Enid was just being dragged along by her Father, just as confused as he was about the whole situation. Cten eventually stopped running, since she realised she had no idea where she was going.  
  
"Um... nowhere... I.. guess." she muttered. Poe slowed, stopping beside her and putting his arm around her shoulders.  
  
"I don't think I've seen you snap like that before," he looked down at her and let go of Enid, giving her a chance to get the circulation going back into her hand.  
  
"Yeah well.... how much can an Irken take while listening him insult you and Enid..." she mumbled while looking at the ground, then groaned as Enid shook her hand to get the blood, or whatever she had, running in her hand. "I still can't believe I let that slip." Poe squeezed her to his side,  
  
"It's alright. Haven't you hinted, or flat out told him his mission was a hoax before? He's too far into denial to believe it."  
  
"No... not really..." she sighed, "The Tallest entrusted me to make him beleive he was a Mission... but now, heck... they'd call me back if they knew what was happening here." Cten knew very well she hadn't even contacted them in... well, long time before she even met Poe. Poe blinked, his face paling slightly,  
  
"..do you think he's going to contact them and rant about it?"  
  
"......oh _slark_." was all Cten could say at this point.  
  
"Well, maybe they'll find an excuse," Poe tried to rationalize, "Or maybe they'll tell him the truth, leaving him devastated and getting him off our backs."  
  
"Or maybe when they find out their top maid has reproduced with a Reject, they might go ballistic and order me to return or... or... I don't know." she groaned and slapped her forehead. "They're just like over grown children really..." Enid just listened intently to all of this, wondering which situation would happen.  
  
"Well.." Poe lowered his head slightly, looking down at her intently, "If you're really that worried, I could probably head him off and.." He glanced at Enid, turned away from her, towards Cten and put his in front of his neck, pretending to hold it, and made a twisting motion. "That's what always happened to people that could disrupt someone's life with their big mouth where I come from.."  
  
"What? No, no." Cten shook her head quickly, "I don't want… that." she sighed, glancing off where Zim and Zib had vanished. "If they find out, they find out.. my fault anyway."  
  
"Well, they can't really make you go back, can they?" He shrugged, "Beyond sending a patroller vehical here.."  
  
"You don't know them personally, Poe. You didn't spend your entire years of the beginning of your life being taught how to serve them properly or anything." she sighed and tugged at her wig. "They'd make me come back... and use any way they can." Enid looked worried now, I mean, if the Tallest would take her parents in for this 'evaluation' thing, what would happen to her?  
  
_Meanwhile…_  
  
Zim drummed his claws on the console and glared up at the transmission screen, which still had the 'Contacting Irk..' screen displayed. He hadn't called the Tallest in a while, and as the screen started to fuzz in, he started right off the bat,  
  
"My Tallest, I have some DISTURBING news to report." Purple could be seen with a hand puppet on his right hand, making a little humming sound when Zim called. He eeped and threw it over his shoulder, while Red kept sipping from his Irken Juice box.  
  
"Dah! Uh, Zim! What a... lovely surprise to hear from you! Yeeahh.."  
  
"What is it _now_ Zim?" Red narrowed an eye, pausing from his sipping.  
  
"I believe I reported to you a while ago about an exhiled Reject landing on this planet. I regret to inform you that Solider Cten has not only fraternized with this subIrken filth.." He banged his claws on the control panel and leaned forward for effect, "..but has REPRODUCED with him!" The screen suddenly kinda went all wet-like, Red doing a spit-take, his juice splattering all over the screen. Purple's voice could be heard laughing as some poor Maid, dressed similar to how Cten is/was, cleaned the screen. Purple was still chuckling, but Red had a rather surprised/disgusted voice.  
  
"She did..? Eeeuuuwww, yuck!"  
  
"Yes, I'm afraid so." He looked downward, shadows casting on his face all spooky-like, "So needless to say she is FOND of this Reject, and has become unreasonable, insubordinate, and genereally disrespectful ever since!" He pointed to his cheek and whined, "She even slapped me once! But anyway, just moments ago I was embroiled in a conflict with her and the Reject and their spawn, and she screamed something about me being exhiled." Purple stopped laughing now, and glanced at Red, who glanced back. Red pulled at his 'collar',  
  
"My... it... it seems she has gotten disruptive then..."  
  
"Darn rejects, darn em!" Purple scowled, then folded his arms and leant back in his chair.  
  
"Soo... she's gone from the model ser-I mean serving soilder to... doing icky stuff with a Reject and wait, I thought we made all Rejects sterile!" Red gave a glare to Purple, who shrugged.  
  
"I'm not the doctor." he replied simply.  
  
"This one was probably too dangerous!" Zim snorted, "He's all snappy and carnivorous and bears a disturbing resemblance to General Kantos.." He made 'carnivorous' fingers. Well, maybe Poe's high-ranking parents had been able to barter that the Goverernment at least leave their son, er, intact.  
  
"That's because his Father _was_ General Kantos, Zim. Least, that's what the files read at least... ahh anyway." Red stood up, standing up to his full height. Oo, tallness. "We cannot allow such a fine.. uh, Invader as Cten to lower herself to be in the company of the said Reject! Zim! We shall be sending, some time in the future, a Patroller around to your part of the galaxy to retreive and bring them for the..." lightning strikes in the background, no idea how since they're in space. "Evaluation."  
  
"Yaaay! Evaluation!" Purple clapped his hands together happily.  
  
"What?!" If Zim was drinking something he'd probably have done a spit-take too, but shook his head, "Thank you, my Tallest! Feel free to send a replacement assistant as well!"  
  
"Ahh whatever... you seem to be doing such a.. um... fine job maybe you don't need an assistant!" Purple stood up saying this, not wanting to loose another maid or servant to Zim.  
  
"Right, right... oops, we seem to be loosing you Zim!" Red then make bad 'static' sounds with his voice, and shook a hand at one of the controllers before him. The controller blinked, then hit the 'Disconnect button', and Zim's screen went blank.  
  
"Really? Well, if you say so my - er, Tallest?" He frowned as the screen went black, "Stupid space junk!"  
  
[To be continued]


	4. Chapter 4

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Four_  
  
Some Years Later  
  
_Zim glanced at the cupboard, then at the clock. Zib was still asleep, and he knew he was supposed to be up by a specific time, why? Well Zim always loved being in charge of things. He opened the cupboard, and yelled up the elevator.  
  
"ZIB! You get out of bed right now before I send GIR up to lick your face!" Zib was quickly outgrowing his bed it seemed, his ankles and wrists dangling off the end and sides, as he was sprawled out, snoring. He groaned when he heard Zim's voice and stuffed his face into his pillow, before reaching over and retrieving his glasses, setting them on his face mysteriously as ever. He sat up, blinking blearily, before he glanced down and noticed.. something strange.  
  
"What the.." Then the cupboard, his, slammed open and Zim walked in. Zim ain't the patient type, no no no.  
  
"What's taking so long!? How long can it take to just wake up anyway?" he folded his arms, then realised Zib wasn't paying attention to him. "Oh, you're not going about with your angsty-spawn-clone thing again are you?"  
  
"Um.." Zib wasn't paying attention, no, too curious and mildly worried about the buldge in his PJ pants, staring at it dumbly, "I think I.. got a problem."  
  
"...problem? What kind of problem?" Zim walked over to the side of the bed and looked down at Zib, then seeing the 'problem' as well. He blinked a few times. "You're not making a habit of stuffing things down there, are you?"  
  
"What?! No!" He glared at his Mom, then shook his head, "I was having a nice dream about Enid, woke up, and that.. THING was there."  
  
"Well what is it?" Zim leant over and reached his hand over to at least see it, but stopped and stared at Zib. "...what do you mean a 'nice dream about Enid'?"  
  
"Um.." Zib's cheeks flushed, and he quickly shook his head, "It was nothing! Nothing at all!" Zib scrunched back against his pillows.  
  
"U-huh, yeah..." Zim didn't really like the idea of Zib having 'nice' dreams about the Reject's spawn; but he had no control over what Zib dreamt - not yet anyway. He looked back at the problem again. "Well, it must be investigated then!"  
  
"Fine, fine.." 'It' was starting to go away, anyway. He pushed his glasses up, "Maybe it's something I inherited from Dad?" Zim stood up and put a hand to his chin, thinking thoughtfully.  
  
"Well it's not a thing I've ever had happen to me... so obviously. Zib, get dressed. We're going to go give your Dad a visit." Zib slid out of bed and stood, stretching and yawning, and revealing the probable reason why Zim was being so controlling; Zib had started to tower over his Mom, by a few inches, at least.  
  
"Do we have to?" He mumbled, peeling off his PJ top and making his zig-zagging hair-antennae boing, putting his regular shirt on, "Aunt Gaz is such an irritable human.."  
  
"I know Zib, but just put up with her for now. Soon she'll be a slave for the Irken Armada and you'll get pay back for all the things she's done." Zim muttered to himself about something concerning pizza and destroying one of his ships, then started to leave the room.  
  
Zib smirked a bit at that thought as he pulled on his black pants and boots, and finally his coat, all of which seemed to have grown to accomodate him over time. He reached into one of his coat pockets and put in his contacts, the only form of disguise he needed, and followed Zim to the elevator. Eventually the two left the base, leaving Gir to do his... Gir-ish things. Zim didn't exactly walking over to visit Dib, one reason being that by pure dumb luck, Poe and Cten's base was on the way; meaning Zib might want to stop and talk or even worse, invite Enid to join the two on the walk.  
  
He frowned somewhat as he saw the orange house with oddly shaped bushes appear in the short distance. Zib spied the base on the horizon and perked up - his antennae, mind you - and quickly ran his claws through his hair, though he only succeeded in making it scruffier.  
  
"Hey, can Enid come along?" Zib grinned hopefully at his Mom. Zim looked up at Zib, then sighed, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Oh fine... let her come along." As the two approached, they could see Cten was outside. She was, what it looked like, trimming one of the big bushes with... scissors? Ah well. What works I guess. Zib grinned cheerfully,  
  
"Hey, Ms. Cten!" He'd never gotten out of the habit of calling her that, as it seemed, waving, "Where's Enid?"  
  
"Oh hi Zim, Zib." Cten put the scissors away into one of her pockets, then looked to Zib. "Enid?" she glanced back at the other large bush, which was more mis-shapen then the one she was working on. "Enid! Zib's here." there was some rustling sounds from behind the bush, and Enid - complete with her black/blue wig on and contacts leaned out from behind it. She smiled slightly, giving a small wave to Zib.  
  
"Hi Zib.." Zib's grin couldn't get much wider, though his return wave was small and almost, well, shy.  
  
"Hey, Enid.. Mom's gonna take me over to Dad's house, wanna come?" He reached up, scratching the back of his head as he tried not to seem too sheepish.  
  
"Oh well.... Mom, can I?" Enid looked over at Cten.  
  
"Well, I guess your Dad could help me with the pruning.. sure, go oh." Zim, while this was all happening had started walking again. He for one, didn't especially like how Zib got all 'goo goo' like when Enid was in the vacinity, so he did his best to avoid it. Enid smiled and handed Cten the scissors, showing she too, was taller then Cten.   
  
"Thanks Mom." Poe left the house as if on cue, fiddling with the gardening gloves and scowling at them - not a good idea to garden with fingerless gloves, afterall.  
  
"Took me a while to find the extra pair- oh, hi, Zib." He glanced up at the two teenage spawn, glaring just a wee bit, not liking the looks Zib was giving Enid anymore than Zim. Zib frowned slightly, taking ahold of Enid's wrist and pulling her along as he tried to catch up with his Mom,  
  
"Alright, see you guys in a while!"  
  
"Bye Mom, bye Daddy!" Enid was soon heading off along with Zib. Cten smirked at Poe as he watched the two go.  
  
"Mr. Poe, do I sense a bit of hostility about you?"  
  
"I just don't like the way he's been looking at our daughter lately.." He grumbled, taking the extra scissors and attacking a nearby bush to vent his frustration. Cten just shook her head, smilring a bit and continued her work.  
  
"So, uh, how're you?" Zib Enid, before muttering something about stupid overprotective Rejects under his breath. Enid shrugged slightly, scratching the back of her neck. Seems her wig caused her just as much discomfort as the one her Mom wore.  
  
"Well, fine I suppose... so, uh, why are you seeing your Dad?" she glanced over at him with her blueish-grey contacts. "Something wrong?"  
  
"I had some weird medical problem this morning that I probably inherited from Dad's.. humanness." He made a slight face, wiggling his fingers to accompany the term, "We thought maybe he could explain."  
  
"Nothing, really serious is it?" she asked, looking him over as if trying to see if she could spot the problem. Zim kept walking in front of them, somewhat relieved to see the Membrane household getting nearer.  
  
"I don't think so," he mumbled, suddenly becoming quiet as she examined him, before coughing. "Just some weird.. manifestation.. down there," He motioned to his, well, crotch. Enid's eyebrows raised as he pointed to his crotch.  
  
"There?" she was cut off by Zim's sharp cough.  
  
"Hate to interupt, but we're here." he announced, seems the two had followed him right up to the door step without really noticing. He knocked quickly.  
  
"Yeah, it was all-" Zib was cut off by the opening of the door. Unfortunately, Gaz answered, not glancing up from her Game Slave as she did so - heck, even she was starting to surpass Zim in height. Poor guy. She groaned slightly and turned, calling into the house,  
  
"Dib, your weird alien friends and kid are here to see you!"  
  
"Huh? But, Mysterious Mysteries-" Gaz's eyelid twitched, and soon enough Dib replaced her at the door. He looked at the motley crew with a raised eyebrow,  
  
"What, is it my turn to watch him?" Dib asked of Zim, and Zib scowled,  
  
"I'm old enough to take care of myself, Dad."  
  
"No no, we're not here to discuss our parental duties all over again Dib - you'd end up with the smaller ration of the duties either way since you always do..." Zim walked past him, pushing him to the side, yes, even Dib was taller then him now. "This morning Zib awoke to find he had a medical problem, and knowing that the Irken species is known for it's superior physical development, I know that it's a problem he got from your side of the gene pool." he spun around to face Dib, er, Dib's neck really, then looked up at him so they were at least looking at each other now.  
  
"So do explain to me why our spawn woke up with something in his pant area!" Enid glanced at Zib, then at Dib and Zim blankly.  
  
"What.. kind.. of thing in his pant area..?" Dib asked cautiously, and Zib found himself suddenly embaressed. Dib noticed the blush and groaned, covering his forehead with his hand, having a good idea of what it could be, given Zib's age.  
  
"..so what is it, Dad? It's not something.. HORRIBLE, is it?" Zib wondered with a note of worry, and Dib looked back and forth,  
  
"Um, well, you see, Zib, it's, uh.. It's all part of growing up.." He laughed nervously, not being at all prepared to adminster 'the talk' yet.  
  
"...I won't get it will I?" Enid suddenly sounded worried, and scooted away from Zib. "It isn't contagious, is it?"  
  
"Is it?!" Zim looked at Zib in alarm, "If it is we'll have to have him confined to a secured area away from all kinds of living things!" he looked to Dib, his Mother instincts - little as they are - kicking into high gear. "Explain it to us now!" Zib blinked and looked around in confusion as everyone jerked away from him.  
  
"No, Enid, there's no danger of that at all.. At least, I think." Dib blinked slightly, not quite sure how Irken reproduction worked, but he was at least fairly certain Enid was female. "It's not contagious, it's just.. a.. change, that happens to.. young human males.. when they reach a certain age.." Dib stuttered, trying to figure out how to explain it.  
  
"So I won't get it?" Enid asked, glancing at Zib's crotch area with a look as if she was afraid whatever 'it' was, would attack at any moment.  
  
"Now I remember, it's because of you, Enid that Zib got the condition in the first place." Zim glared over at the female, eyes narrowed.  
  
"What, me?" Enid looked lost, how could she have brought it on?  
  
"Zib said he had a 'nice' dream about you and he woke up with that... thing! Explain that Dib! It's her fault isn't it?" Zim looked over at Dib, with a somewhat hopeful look on his face.  
  
"Eiigh.." Zib covered his face with his claws. Dib winced, looking cornered,  
  
"Well.. um.. Girls do tend to cause it in boys, but it's involuntariy.. it means they.. they... Well, the easiest way to put it would be that the boy's.. um..  body, wants the him to.. to.." He blanched slightly and mumbled quickly, looking almost as embaressed as his 'son', "...reproducewiththem."  
  
"WHAT?!" Zim screeched, "Zib wants to reproduce with the Reject's spawn?!" seemed Zim was about to burst a blood vessle, if he had any.  
  
"..I have a name you know.." Enid muttered to herself quietly, now she felt uncomfortable all right.  
  
"Now, now, Zim," Dib waved his hands in the 'calm down' gesture. The last thing Dib wanted was for Zim to go ballsitic in the middle of his living room, knowing the Invader's temperment better than anyone else, "It's not something he has control over.. it's just.. instinct, you know?" Zib picked a pillow up from the couch and stuffed it over his face.  
  
"Instinct?!" Zim pointed at Enid, "Because of... her my spawn's now got a bizzare thing growing in his pants!! I've never had the instincts about that sort of thing! I went to Academy for years with females and nothing like that ever happened!" he then looked at Dib, glaring. "This is all because of your human body.. things!"  
  
"What?! Oh, no, Zim, you're not going to pin this on me! It was YOUR stupid evil plot that started this all in the first place!" Zib groaned and leaned back against the wall, pillow stuffed in his face, unsuccessfully trying to suffocate himself - it wasn't bad enough Dad had to explain his instinctual desires in front of Mom and the object of said desires, but now they were arguing, too - his breathing aparatus being on the top of his head and all.  
  
"Don't you DARE bring that up again Dib! I explained all I wanted was slaves but you being the over dramatic big headed lout you are you had to intervene!" the two continued to squabble like... husband and wife as Enid leant over and pulled the pillow quickly from Zib. Seemed she'd gotten her Father's physical strength at least, since Zib had been holding on tightly.   
  
"Hey," Zib said weakly, looking rather pathetic, his glasses skewed, "Suffocation is easier than trying to will myself dead.." he mumbled, and pulled down on his hair-antennae to block out the sounds of his parents.  
  
"C'mon Zib." Edin held her hand out to him, "Let's go.. at least before your Mom throws things." Zib looked down at her hand slightly, grinning slightly before taking it, then wincing as he ducked the flying Professor lamp,  
  
"Too late for that.." Enid lead him out the door quickly, shutting it before the Professor cookie jar smashed to peices on the door. Now the two were outside, as the fight raged on inside the house.  
  
"...so now what?" she glanced at him.  
  
"I dunno," he mumbled, looking rather embaressed, his antennae-hair-thingees drooping, "I gave up interveneing a long time ago. They usually just let them work it out of their system in a few hours." Enid just nodded slightly, she didn't really remember any time her parents argued, let alone throw objects at each other.  
  
"Well... sorry about making your body go all weird, I guess.."  
  
"I just hope Mom left his laser at home," he muttered, before blinking at her apology, scratching the side of his head, "Uh.. it's alright. Like Dad said, it's not your fault, it's just.. human instinct stuff. Yeah."  
  
"Still... kinda my fault for... why is that?" she looked at him blankly, "What makes me cause your body to kick into instincts?"  
  
"Um.." He glanced up at her, looking her up and down, before looking away quickly and back at the ground, "You're really pretty," he mumbled, almost inaudiably. She blinked a couple times, either she didn't hear him properly, or she's just surprised.  
  
"..I am?"  
  
"Well.. yeah," He said, a little bit louder, looking up at her out of the corner of his eye, "I mean, maybe it's just my heritage but I think you look really nice, in disguise or not. Like a.. really pretty thing." He grinned slightly. Enid blushed slightly, biting her lower lip.  
  
"Aw...." she smiled at him, before scratching her forehead. "Well.... you're kinda... what's male for pretty... nice looking too... really nice." Zib blinked at her dumbly, before his.. Zimmy side kicked in slightly, and he grinned a bit smugly, closing his eyes and straightening his jacket,  
  
"Well, yeah, of course I am! I'm Zib, afterall, amazing human.. Irken.. hybrid.. clone thingee!" Enid laughed slightly, she'd always liked how Zib got full of himself each time someone complimented him, she then put her hands behind her back.  
  
"Oh yes..." she grinned, "Quite overwhealming.." Zib opened his eyes and grinned at her broadly, managing to look charming in a goofy, odd way, staring at her. In fact, maybe staring a little too much, as some *cough* more activity in his uniform pants might prove.  Enid couldn't really help but stare for a small while, before smirking at him.  
  
"Oh come on, I'm not that impressive surely..."  
  
"Of course you are! I would be interested in nothing less than perfe-" He blinked, noticing the direction of her gaze, then looked downward and yelped, turning an interesting shade of red. Enid laughed slightly.  
  
"Aww... you're cute when you blush.." she stated, then to his surprise, gave him a hug despite she was now probably being proded by the said problem. "'N I like it!"  
  
"Nngfh!" Zib announced, eyes widening as she hugged him. "I'm.. flattered.. but.. that's really.. not.. helping.." He said in a slightly higher-pitched voice, going slightly crosseyed. She leant back, but kept her hands on his shoulders as well as her body against his. Seems she was a tad more like her Father then we thought.  
  
"Aw, well how can I help then?"  
  
"H.. help?" He squeaked, breathing unevenly, "I.. I dunno.. Ngh, um.." Despite himself, his arms wrapped themselves around her lower waist.

"Oh come on Zib, must be something a pretty thing such as myself, can do to help you out..." she grinned cheekily as he wrapped his arms around her lower waist.  
  
"I don't even know what that thing is, much less how to.. nngh.. use..." He squirmed, looking into her eyes with a slightly dizzy, dazed expression, glazed over if you will, and trailed off, tightening his grip on her.  
  
"Let the instincts kick in, I guess..." she leant in and once again, to Zib's surprise, kisses him on the lips. Nearby, the spooky chuiuaha sat staring at them, before wandering off. His eyes widened again, scythe-shaped antennae perking. It wasn't long before he was returning the kiss, his one of his gloved hands sliding up into her wig, the other still around her waist, holding her against his hips and pressing as well. In fact, he got so carried away that he completely forgot they were in the middle of a public front yard, with his parents able to simply glance out the window and spot them.  
  
Enid smiled somewhat against the kiss holding onto his shoulders tightly as the two held the kiss, one of her hands then sliding up and strokes along one of his scythe-shaped antennae, running it through two of her fingers gently. Back inside the house, Zim and Dib have thrown any thing that wasn't nailed down, and now out of breath, were slumped against the couch, Dib on it, Zim against it. Zim wiped his brow, panting heavily since throwing a chair wasn't exactly easy.  
  
"Mmf!" Zib said muffedly, never having had that done before, besides an affectionate stroke or two when he was little, shivering and tightening his grip on her. His antennae perked to his touch, apparently hidden beneath the hair growing off of them, which only made them more sensitive. His fingers wandered through her wig to find her own antennae, while inside, Dib looked around the room in weary disbelief, shaking his large head,  
  
"I don't believe this... can't you go somewhere without starting a fight, Zim?" He glared at the Irken.   
  
"Shut up Dib." Zim snapped back, obviously now not in a good mood he clenched his fists together, then realised something. "....where's Zib?" Back outside, Enid gave out a startled muffled moan as she felt Zib's fingers discovered her hidden antennae, and she pretty much lovingly twirled the curled end around his fingers. Meanwhile her own fingers were still stroaking his antennae, twirling the end now and again.  
  
"Last I saw him he was trying to disappear into a pillow and - hey, that Girl Irken's gone too." He glanced over at Zim with a worried look, just as a few questionable sounds coming from the front yard drifted into the living room. Zib attempted to stroke her antennae with a more refined technique, but he could hardly concentrate, what with the dual sensations and all, his claws just ending up being shakey and erratic as he gave off a muted groan of his own, muscles in his hips twitching.  
  
Edin's other hand, which was still holding onto his shoulder had slowly began to descend down to his hip area, just brushing against it by now. Her antennae twitched as he stroked it, the usual thick, strong antennae becoming somewhat limp underneath the itching wig. Zim's eyes widened and he got to his feet and swung the door open, his eyes nearly escaping his head as he saw what he did see, what was happening at the pavement. For the first time in his life, Zim is speechless.  
  
Zib let off a muffled whimper when her hand brushed against him, causing his hips to flat out jerk in response. He didn't hear the sound of the door opening, his antennae being far too tingly to be useful, perking forward much like.. well, something else. He chose the moment Zim emerged to hold onto Enid tightly and part his lips and pressed his tongue against her teeth, not seeming to notice or care if they were a little bit sharp. Dib followed Zim,  
  
"Are they-" he cut off suddenly as he froze, staring aghastly as well, mouth hanging open, eyelid twitching. Zim's right eye twitched, opened his mouth to say something... but still nothing came out. Enid gratiously allowed Zib's tongue, somewhat flat but still, into her mouth and her long segmented tongue wrapped itself around his. The hand that wasn't stroking his antennae, was... well to say the least stroking but not exactly an antennae if you understand what I'm saying here. Zim once again, opened his mouth, this time shaking his finger at the two, but still, his voice had gone on leave. Zib squeezed his eyes shut tightly and started to push against her with more force, when Dib's shocked expression turned into a stern look, and he took a deep breath, managing to keep his own voice at least,  
  
"ZIB MEMBRANE AND ENID.. er.." He glanced at Zim, "Cten and Poe don't have a surname, do they?" His shouting managed to penetrate the fog of instinct and hormones Zib was immersed in, and he blinked his eyes open quickly, looking panicked. Enid's eyes flashed open at the same time, and pulled away from the kiss and looked alarmed at Zim and Dib, the same look that a deer has when it's about to be hit by a big mack truck. She looks a little too shell shocked, since she hasn't even bothered to let go of Zib with either hand yet. Zim's shaking, his fists clenched and just snarling. Think these two lucky that Zim's swallowed his tongue right now.  
  
"Uh... Enid..." Zib mumbled slurredly between pants, tip of his flat, but magenta tongue hanging out, "You might wanna... leggo there..." He started to sway, probably from the lack of blood to his brain, some of it having been redirected and all.  
  
"What's going on here?!" Dib demanded, folding his arms.  
  
"Oh.. slark..." Enid let go of Zib and stepped back away from him, taking on the nervousness and shyness she got from both parents combined, as well as her own since this had never really happened before either. "Uhhhmm..." she mumbled, but just shrugged slightly. Finally, Zim's voice returned.  
  
"YOU GET BACK TO YOUR BASE, REJECT!!" he snarled, pointing at her. Enid blinked, then looked to Zib. "I mean NOW!" with that, Enid was off and running. Zib watched her go, swaying a few more times as his support colum left, and as she ran out of the yard he toppled onto his back, still quite out of it, though despite everything a stupid, dazed grin on his face. Dib winced and covered his ears when Zim yelled, blinking them open to see Zib sprawled out on the grass,  
  
"Uh oh. I hope his combined physiology can handle the surge of hormones..." Zim growled and marched up to Zib and glared down at him, arms folded. He could almost freeze Hell with the coldness in his stare right now.  
  
"You... Zib... you...." he paused, looking for something to at least say at this moment, "...don't be so hormoney!" he shook his fist at him, "I should NEVER have had to see what I just saw happen here today!!" Zib blinked a few times, his arms spread out on the ground,  
  
"Oh, hi, Mom..." He mumbled drunkenly, the Invader's threats falling on deaf antennae, which were still being all.. tingly like. "She kissed me..." He reported, giggling a few times, still lost in a sea of teenage hormones. Dib felt the need to stick up for his 'son', as this was a problem Zim couldn't possibly understand,  
  
"It's not entirely his fault, Zim, most all teenage males -" Dib started, face screwing up slightly, "Your present company excepted, get like that." Zim glared daggers at Dib,  
  
"You do not realise the severity of this problem, Dib. SHE, that... that little... _rat_ is the spawn of a Reject, and I do not want my spawn clone thing in a lovey dovey smoochy hormone mess with her. It's a disgrace!" he then leant down and hauled Zib to his feet, "An absolute disgrace!" Zib was still sniggering to himself, allowing Zim to heft him up, only to flop forward limply onto his Mom and nearly knock him over.  
  
"Prettiest rat I've ever seen," Zib mumbled absently, and Dib shook his head and sighed.  
  
"Well.. what's the worst she could do? As far as I know you Irkens don't have any... stuff."  
  
"Stuff?! You dare call our reproduction purposes stuff?" Zim glared at Dib from under the weight of his 'son', but managed to hold him up. "...well you're right, we don't have your kinda stuff but still! I've seen some disgusting things while observing late night television and she could have done a LOT without that.. stuff!" Dib raised his eyebrow down at Zim. The Irken was somehow less threatening now that he was a head - and by Dib standards, that was a lot - taller than him, and he snickered.  
  
"Never thought I'd see the day when you were an overprotective Mother." Zib just hung onto his Mom in a fashion similar to when he was little, having regressed back into a toddler's mental capacity at the moment.  
  
"I am not overprotective! I'm... oh forget it." Zim scowled and began to move away, Zib's boots dragging along the ground after them. "I'm going to have a talk with that Reject later, mark my words! He should have more control over his spawn!" this sounded highly ironic, seeing the situation Zim was in right at the moment. Dib just shook his head slightly and watched Zim go.  
  
Meanwhile, Enid had probably managed to reached her base by now, much to her parents' surprise. Poe looked up from sheering another bush when he heard her running footsteps approach,  
  
"En?" He stabbed the scissors into the ground and stood up, "What happened?" Cten wasn't around, probably inside trying to find a bigger pair of scissors. Enid came to a stop at the gate, looking somewhat upset now, and a bit out of breath as well. She just stared at Poe sadly as she leant against the fence, that had been made from remains of other fences.  
  
"I… I just…" she wasn't sure if she could tell her Father this or not, but she'd never did have problems before talking with him. Course, they never involved Zib. Poe walked over to the fence and opened the gate, looking down at her with concern,  
  
"You can always tell me, Enid." He smiled slightly at his daughter, before his antennae picked up a rather odd, strong scent coming from her, bristling, "Zib didn't try and do anything to you, did he?" Seems Zim wasn't the only overprotective one around. Enid blushed in embarrassment that her Father could somewhat smell what probably happened, then she shook her head slowly.  
  
"No… he… we you see Daddy we…" she trailed off, then looked up at him, looking somewhat ashamed now. "His Mom and Dad walked in on us…" she said quietly.  
  
"Walked in on you? You mean you two were- En, I don't believe it!" He said, probably loud enough for Cten to hear. He set his arms akimbo, glaring down at her and took a deep breath, preparing to go into rant mode, before taking into account her sad, ashamed look, and softened, sighing, and hugged her instead, "I suppose I have to accept the fact you grow up some day…"  Cten did hear this, since she was by chance leaving the base with propper hedge cutters now. She stared at Poe and Enid, Enid now hugging Poe back.  
  
"His… his Mom yelled at us too…" she muttered as Cten approached. That news made Poe bristle again, growling softly,  
  
"He better not have called you anything…"   
  
"What's going on?" she asked Poe, since Enid obviously wasn't ready to say it again, this time to her Mom. He looked over at Cten, looking slightly helpless. He motioned her over, and when she was close enough, whispered it into the top of her wig, not wanting to embaress Enid more than she already was. To say the least, Cten looked surprised.  
  
"Oh…" she said quietly, then looked at Enid. The question seemed to make Enid muffle a slight sob, well, being called a Reject wasn't something she was really used to... but it still hurt either way.  
  
"Reject…" she said quietly. "…I'm a Reject." Poe hugged her tightly, shaking her slightly,  
  
"No, you're not. Don't even think that," He tried to reassure her, stroking the back of her head and glaring out into the street, muttering to himself, "Zim had better hope he doesn't see me soon… or that spawn of his…"  
  
"I am…" Enid sobbed, "I don't even know what made… made me do it either…! I'm just a… Reject thing!" she couldn't help but cry now while she held onto Poe. Cten frowned, possibly at Poe's muttering but also that Zim would call her daughter a Reject, her mate had lived an entire life being called a Reject but she'd tried to end that, and at least shield her daughter from it, but Zim had to open his mouth at her.   
  
"Honey, you're not a Reject… Zim's just a barbaric Irken who doesn't know what he's doing most of the time, don't let him get to you…" she rubbed Enid's back. Poe sighed and rest his cheek against the top of Enid's hair, rocking her slightly. Ooh, and guess who just turned onto their street and started walking down it. Zib was lagging behind him, looking rather downtrodden and having obviously been victim to a severe tongue-lashing. Poe growled again, tightening his grip on his daughter and glaring daggers at the Invader.  
  
[To be continued!]


	5. Chapter 5

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Zim stopped walking, realising who they were about to walk past. He returned Poe's glare since today wasn't especially his best day after all, having to deal with a hormone-induced clone spawn, and now possibly would have to put up with his 'son's 'Girlfriends' family. He coughed and started walking again, ignoring the looks Poe was dishing out to him. Enid didn't really seem to notice Poe's grip on her tightening since she was more upset now then to realise what was going on. Poe was too mad to try and retain any maturity, and gently handed Enid off to Cten,  
  
"How _DARE_ you," He snarled at Zim in a tone far angrier than any the Invader had probably heard coming from the Reject before. He strode towards the other Irken and his half-human spawn, Zib blinking up and cowering slightly - not only was Poe still bigger than both him AND his Mom, he still remembered how scary the Reject had been when he was little, and now Zib had just stuck his tongue down the throat of Poe's daughter.  
  
"How DARE you insult MY daughter after YOUR freakish spawn got his claws on her!" He stood to block Zim's path, looming over them dangerously. Cten knew that when Poe got mad, it's the best thing not to get involved. She'd learnt this through the years of being with him, but still this time he might hurt Zib, not only Zim. And She didn't need her daughter being upset at her mate for inflicting pain on her possible boyfriend. Zim stopped walking and just glared back up at Poe, if he was afraid, he sure wasn't showing it.  
  
"Oh, so it's perfectly all right for YOUR spawn to push herself onto MY spawn!? Am I supposed to allow this because she's a Reject and let her off!? Well that's not about to happen that's for sure!" Zim marched up to Poe, the two now looking at each other eye to eye, you could just imagine the lightning sparking between the two. "I don't want that rat NEAR my spawn ever again, do you hear me!?"  
  
"She is NOT a REJECT!" Poe snarled, his hand darting out and grabbing Zim by the collar, lifting the short Invader off his feet and bringing him to eye-level, "And in case you haven't noticed, your…" He glanced over at Zib, baring his teeth, "_accident_ is the male, I can only imagine who was pushing themselves onto who!" Well, like most Dad's Poe had the unerring belief that his daughter was nothing short of a perfect, innocent princess. "If that HYBRID ever comes NEAR Enid again, I will personally rip out BOTH of your ID pods, do YOU hear me?" He growled, jerking Zim around roughly. Zib looked slightly hurt as Poe called him names, but being related to his Father he could more than take insults without really being affected. He glanced over at Cten helplessly.  Cten looked back at Zib, then at Enid who was now wiping her eyes. She walked up to Zim and Poe, who were now in a glaring contest, Zim still suspended in the air, and Poe twitched, still glaring at Zim as Cten approached him,  
  
"Poe, put Zim down now. I don't want our daughter any more upset today then she already is, and seeing you or hearing you threaten to hurt Zib or Zim isn't going to help. " She said rather gently in a calming manner. Poe seemed to backdown a smidgen as she spoke, his viscious snarl turning into a frown, Zim looked at her, frowning.  
  
"Keep out of this, Cten! Zim is highly capable of putting up with-" he was cut off by Cten, who sounded rather.. un-Cten like.  
  
"_SHUT UP ZIM!_" Zim blinked and looked somewhat... frightened (?!) of her and shut up. She looked to Poe – who had blinked and flinched as she had yelled, and spoke in her normal tone again. "Now Poe."  
  
"I… see your point," he mumbled, arm-muscles tensing as he prepared to throw Zim down, but his good sense kicked in at the last moment and he set Zim down, albeit not too gently. Zib let out a relieved sigh - sure, he was use to seeing Zim and Dib go at it, but Poe was a good deal more threatening than Dib (even with gardening gloves on).  
  
Poe was still glaring at Zim, and if looks could kill, Zim'd be toast. He turned his attention over to Zib as Cten asked the last question, and Zib flinched, reaching up and scratching the back of his head. He looked back and forth, from his Mom, to Poe, to Cten, and finally over at Enid, frowning when he saw her tear-streaked face.  
  
"Um…" His antennae perked as he got an idea, then sighed, looking at the ground, "Um… yeah… Enid and I snuck out of Dad's house when he and Mom started fighting, and I guess, um… I guess…" He glanced back at Enid, then back at the adult Irkens, "…I guess… _I_ got a little carried away." Poe took a deep breath, restraining himself from attacking the hybrid on the spot. Enid looked shocked slightly, Cten, seeing Poe's reaction took his hand into hers to calm him down. Zim on the other hand, glared at Zib.  
  
"And I _still_ blame your Dad for it."  
  
"Why's that, Zim?" Cten looked over at him,  
  
"Because of Dib's _inferior human_ genetics! Zib's got a reaction thingie happening in his pants and it seems to always happen when your… daughter is around." he was about to say 'Reject' again, but once again, realised it might end up with him without an ID Pack and flat as a pancake. Zib stared at the ground, still scratching the back of his head. It'd been hard fighting back his Zimmy side to allow him to do something so, well… unselfish. He looked over at Enid and grinned slightly, sheepishly. Poe lowered his hackles, so to speak, taking another deep breath.  
  
"I guess that means we'll just have to keep them seperated," he mumbled.  
  
"What?!" Enid spoke up now, causing everyone present to look at her. "No!" Poe frowned slightly. He wasn't good at denying his daughter something, but he shook his head firmly,  
  
"That's the way it has to be, Enid, until Zim's…" He bit his lip slightly, "…_son_ learns to control himself." Zib frowned as well; that's now how things were suppose to work out, but at least Enid wasn't in trouble.  
  
"B-But how do you know that'd work?!" Enid was getting upset again, but Zim answered this one.  
  
"The longer time he's away from you the better! Least we won't have to worry about these 'hormones' or his pant problem until we know it's gone." he snapped back.  
  
"I don't want to be seperated from Zib! You don't understand!" Cten intervened here, going back to Enid.  
  
"Enid, please. Last thing we want is to start something up again…"  
  
"Or something like _this_ happening again." Zim snorted in Zib's direction, a feat seeing he had no nose to snort from. Poe folded his arms and sighed again, but used a combonation of his tallness and parental authority to the best of his abilities, speaking firmly,  
  
"It's for the best, En. We don't even know how Zib's… physiology… differs, or what side effects it might have." Zib frowned sadly, murmuring,  
  
"Sorry for causing so much trouble…" Enid looked to Zib, but then looked at Poe. She frowned, which wasn't a thing she usually did to her Father – heck she didn't even do it when she was young!  
  
"I _hate_ you. " With that she turned and stormed up to the house, swung the door open and slammed it shut after them. Cten blinked, not really sure what just happened here, looking from Zib to Poe, then Zim.  
  
"Huh." Zim scoffed. Poe blinked in surprise and started to say something in his defense, when the door slammed. He stood there, staring blankly and looking a combonation of guilty and hurt, his shoulders slumping.  
  
"Enid, wai-" Zib, too, was cut off by the door, and he started to resemble Poe, emotion-wise, at least. He sighed and hung his head, taking off his glasses and rubbing them off with his coat, just to keep himself busy. Zim then looked to Zib, arms folded.   
  
"Now that this has been finished for today, I'm going HOME." he gave a quick nod to both Poe and Cten, before turning on his heels and walking off. Cten wasn't sure what to do now, go after her daughter or at least talk things over with Poe, and Zib was still there, for now at least. Zib gave a small wave and hurried off after his Mom, being one of the last people Enid's parents probably wanted to see right now. Poe didn't even seem to notice; he just stared at the pavement blankly, looking, well, devestated. Cten watched Zib leave, then walked up to Poe.  
  
"Poe…?"  
  
"I knew I wasn't cut out for this parent thing," he mumbled, folding one arm and leaning his elbow on it, his chin in his palm.  
  
"Don't talk like that." she replied, "I'm sure all parents go through something like this, at some point or another." Cten shrugged slightly as she said this. She'd seen lots of TV shows about family togetherness, and every now and then a child would say something like Enid did, and somtimes worse, to parents.  
  
"But she said she _hated_ me…" Well, now we know where Enid got her level of self confidence. It probably stung him in particular, though; being Rejected by one's species was enough, he didn't need it from his own family.  
  
"Well, look at it from her perspective. Zib, is obviously someone she cares a lot for." she took his hand again, stroking it with her other hand. "And then she's told she can't be near him again, and she doesn't know for how long. How'd you feel if someone did it to you?" Poe glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye, then turned to face her slowly,  
  
"I guess I can see your point… But I mean, he's half human… Who knows what kind of things he'd do?" He shook his head slightly, "That and I can't really say I approve of his parents…" he muttered.  
  
"Well she's been able to put up with it since the day she hatched, but now…" a hint of worry could be heard in Cten's voice, glancing at the house. "…who knows what he's capable of… Poe I want our daughter to be happy, but also protected. But, I guess right now we'll have to stick what we're doing."  
  
"I do too. It's not easy for me to hurt her like that…" He trailed off, thinking, "Maybe… Maybe they could see each other as long as they had a chapperone?" He looked up slightly.  
  
"That might work." Cten replied, looking back at him. "But now, either we let her calm down for a while, or go talk to her."  
  
"Maybe we should talk to her. I don't want her to think I did that to hurt her." He glanced at the house, at the upstairs room that belonged to Enid, "I'm just not sure if she'll want to see me."  
  
"Look, how about I go talk to her first. Then I'll ask if you can talk to her, how's that?" Cten picked up the scissors and hedge clippers. He nodded slightly.  
  
"Alright…" He retrieved his own scissors and went back to trimming the bushes, just to keep himself occupied. Cten looked up at the house, took her gloves off and was soon enough at Enid's door to her bedroom. Like Zim, you have to remember Cten is shorter then her own spawn now, since Enid seems to have gotten Poe's height, so talking to Enid was always somewhat tricky for her, but now she was upset! She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
  
"Enid? Enid, it's me." Enid was on her bed, back to her door, hugging a pillow and glaring out her window into space. She didn't respond to Cten, recognizing her voice and not blowing her off like she would her Father, but she didn't make any move to acknowledge her either - seemed she was in one of those cold, silent sulks her Father'd get into every so often. Horray for teenagers, huh? Back outside, Cten sighed.  
  
"Horray for teenagers and genetics..." she thought. "Enid look, I just wanted you to know that when you do want to talk at all, I'm here for you. All right?" Enid flattened her antennae - she'd thrown off her wig in a fit of disgust, and contacts too - and looked over her shoulder at the door slightly, then back out the window, hugging onto her pillow tightly,  
  
"I thought Daddy wanted me to be happy…" she mumbled, probably just loud enough for her Mom to hear.  
  
"Honey, he does want you to be happy, but he also cares about you." Cten replied from her side of the door.  
  
"But--" She cut off slightly, letting out what sounded like a strangled sob. "If he cares, why doesn't he try to understand?" She said in a quiet tone, probably too muffled and choaked up for Cten to make out well. Cten got a pained expresion on her face, putting her hand onto the door.  
  
"Enid, can I please come in…?"  
  
"Alright…" She buried her face into her pillow, her antennae sagging to her sides limply, the curl at the tips only hinted at now. The door opened and Cten entered the room, closing it behind her. She walked up to Enid and sat on the bed besides her. Not saying anything yet, she was usually better at letting Enid start first, since this was her 'problem'. Enid was silent for a while, her midnight-blue eyes brimming with tears as she stared out the window. She finally sighed and relented, letting her defenses drop with an unrelated comment; she closed her eyes halfways and said,  
  
"You know… he lied, Zib did… I was the one.." She cringed slightly and squeezed her pillow, "I was the one that came onto him…"  
  
"Ah." Cten said quietly, then looked down at her and gently put her hand to her daughter's shoulder. "I can see why you like him then, he cares about you." She nodded slightly, looking down at her bed.

"I don't even know what happened to me back there… I wondered… I wondered why I gave him that… reaction thing, and he said I was pretty…" Her cheeks tinted, "I said he was cute, and things went from there…" She sighed heavily into her pillow, glancing over at her Mom, "I can see why Zib's, eh, Mom would disapprove, he doesn't seem to have a nice bone in his body, but I thought Daddy would understand."  
  
"Well, Zib's Mother never cared for anyone who was below him, stance wise." Cten stroaked Enid's head gently, "So, he never got along with your Father. But your Father is very protective of you, and last thing he wants is you hurt, physically or mentally."  
  
"But… I'm not a smeet anymore," she scowled slightly, maybe down and out the window at Poe, who was still busying himself with the shrubbery, "He still treats me like one though…"  
  
"It's funny isn't it?" Cten glanced out the window as well, "He doesn't look like the caring type, but if anything ever happened to you, well I wouldn't like to be in his way, that's for sure." she looked down at Enid, "So what do you want him to do, let you do whatever you want?" her daughter sighed slightly.  
  
"Well… I guess he can't do that… but I'm almost an adult!" Well, that was probably stretching the truth, since she was only about the Irken equivillent to 16 or so, but you know teenagers. "I can't even see what's so bad about being around Zib… I mean, what could he do anyway?"  
  
"Well, your Father may never have had 'hormones', but he's had instincts like that. I should know." Cten laughed slightly, brushing her wig with her hand, which was now off since she was inside. "But boys do get… rather excited about things like that." Enid made a slight face; the last thing any kid wants to imagine is their parents being like _that_.  
  
"Zib isn't the most threatening thing though. I mean… he's cute, but he's kinda…" She lowered one eyelid as she sought for the right word, "…scrawny."  
  
"Well yes, look at his parents! You can't exactly call Zim or Dib 'big' can you?" Cten smiled, "But when they hit the right note, so to speak, you'd be surprised what they can do." A small smile threatened at the corner of Enid's mouth, and she looked down at the pillow and shrugged.  
  
"I guess you're right… he was starting to get kinda… y'know…" She blushed and gulped slightly, "When his parents walked out in us…"  
  
"I thought as much, you have no idea what you smelt like when you came back young lady." Cten crossed her arms, smirking at herdaughter. "So you know what I mean?" Enid winced and squeezed her eyes shut, a fierce blush flaring up. Afterall, part of that scent was _from_ her, and not just on her.  
  
"Y-yeah… but… still. Does this mean… I can't see Zib at all?" She looked over at her Mom, "He's the only Irken… er… whatever my age around here…"  
  
"Well, your Father and I believe you might be able to at least meet now nad again as long as you have someone with you. To make sure nothing… funny starts up." Enid rubbed at her cheek a bit, the blush till there, but she perked her antennae,  
  
"Really?" She broke out into a smile and hugged onto Cten, "Thanks, Mom…" Cten smiled and hugged her back,  
  
"Aw you're welcome honey… like I said, your Father and I can't stand seeing you upset…" she then pulled back slightly, looking at her. "Now, do you think your Dad could come talk to you? He's bashing himself out there." A look of slight guilt crossed her face, and she looked down at her lap, nodding slightly.  
  
Poe, meanwhile, was muttering to himself while attacking the bushes, probably imagining it to be Zim or Zib or even himself, who knew, casting a glance up at the room in the forefront of the house every so often. Then, as he was about to start destroying the bush again, Cten arrived at the door.  
  
"Poe, she's ready to talk to you now."  
  
"Huh?" Poe blinked out of his destructive trance and stood up, looking over at her, "She in her room?" He set down the scissors and peeled off his grubby gloves. Cten nodded,  
  
"Yup, she's all ready." Poe nodded slightly and took a deep breath, heading into the house. Eventually he knocked on the door of Enid's room, and spoke in such a quiet, wary tone he almost seemed out of character,  
  
"En?"  
  
"Come in…" Enid said faintly from the other side of the door. By now she was sat on her bed, facing the door, still holding her pillow. He opened the door slowly and stepped in, taking off his wig and holding it and looking down at it.  
  
"Look, En, I'm sorry  I reacted the way I did out there…"  
  
"S'ok," she muttered, looking down at the pillow in her arms. "Mom explained pretty much why you… you know, reacted like you did." He nodded slightly, looking up. He couldn't help but smile a bit as they both stared down at their respective objects in a nearly identical fashion, and his footsteps approached her, before he sat down on the bed beside her, but still gave her some space.  
  
"Still. I should've been more mature and… adult-like. I guess… I guess you don't have to be totally restricted from seeing Zib." He said, with some difficulty. She had looked up at him as he approached her, she fiddled with the pillow's zipper with her spiked ring.  
  
"I wouldn't have liked not being able to see him…" she blushed faintly, "He is the only other Irken… well, he's kinda Ikren anway, around here my age…" she cleared her throat, smirking slightly. "But it's okay Daddy… I'm sorry I said I hated you."  
  
"It's alright." He smiled down at her, putting his claws on her shoulder, "Cten said that kids say stuff like that to their parents all the time… I'm just worried about being a good parent, since I don't have any experience to draw from… I never really knew my own Dad." Enid looked at his claws, then up at his face smiling more now.  
  
"Aw, you've done good Daddy…" He grinned slightly,  
  
"I'm glad then." He took out his contacts with his free hand, "You're a pretty good daughter, too, even if you are growing up a bit too fast to me."  
  
"Heh… you want me to be little all over again?" she smiled broadly, showing her semi-sharp teeth off.  
  
"Well, maybe not _really_ little…" He made a slight face, remembering the joy of changing diapers, "But you know what I mean." He pulled her into a hug, "No matter how old you may get, you'll always be my little Girl, En."  
  
"And you'll always be my Daddy." she hugged him back warmly. "Sure, we might bicker but I think that's part of being a family."  
  
"I'm happy to hear that," He smiled, "Yeah, I guess so. It's kind of strange for us Irkens to have a family at all - I guess maybe Earth's rubbing off on us."  
  
"Darn Earthlings." Enid grinned, "But, even if I had to choose parents, I'd still choose you 'n Mom."  
  
"Well, that's good, because you're stuck with us," He teased slightly, then sighed. "The thing with Zib… well, I don't know about Zim. He's not nearly as... flexible as your Mother and I are."  
  
"Oh come on Daddy, you could so make him do anything." Enid looked at him, "I mean, what you did out there before…" she then sighed slightly, "Still, I guess hurting him won't do anything as Mom said." He chuckled quietly,  
  
"En, that was wrong of me and you know it. Zib's as much his son as you're my daughter. And besides, he did help save your Mom's life once. We'll just have to see."  
  
"He did?" He nodded slightly,  
  
"I guess Cten never told you about it.." He looked up at the ceiling, "Long, long ago, I had a SIR unit like Beka or Gir, but it wasn't… functioning properly, to say the least. Gor thought I was his slave, instead of vice versa…" Enid tilted her head to the side, Poe was right, she hadn't heard this story before.  
  
"He was, shall we say, controlling, and… well, abusive. One day, when your Mother and I were still just friends, she offered to let me move into her base with her to get away from him. He took offense to this, and destroyed her old base… We relocated to our current one, and he returned, while I was at home. We got into an argument, and he had this horrible spike-woven whip…" Poe shuddered slightly. He was always going to remember that.  
  
"He was about to strike me with it when Cten jumped in front of me and took the blow for me…" He sounded a bit wistful, still having trouble believing what she did do this day, "She was, technically, dead, and the fixer machines in our own base couldn't heal her properly, so Zim lent us his, and they managed to revive her." Enid listened quietly as her Dad told the story, her eyes widening at certain points like the spike-woven whip and her Mother 'dying' back then. She looked rather dismayed as he finished off.  
  
"…whoa…" she said, glancing at the door. "I never knew that… she really did that?"  
  
"Yeah," He said with admiration, "It's no wonder Zim thinks she's a Solider, huh? She might be small but she managed to diffuse that whole situation on the pavement with her voice and touch alone." He smiled warmly as he gushed, then shook his head, "She still has the scars on her back from where they had to stitch her back up and reattach her pod."  
  
"Gee… and Zib's Mom helped despite he got injured trying to help you?" she looked up at him, "That doesn't sound like him at all."  
  
"Yeah… Well, Zim is far fonder of Cten than me, namely because he thinks she's his underling, sent here to help him conquer Earth. That, and she's not a foot and a half taller than him."   
  
"Height is a big thing with him… mustn't be easy having Zib who's taller then him." she giggled slightly.  
  
"I think most everyone is taller than him, even Cten by a hair or so maybe. So I guess he can't be blamed. Height is a big thing with most normal Irkens, that's why their leaders are called the Tallest, afterall…"   
  
"Ohh…" she glanced up at the ceiling. "Me and Zib talk about how Irk must be like sometimes… since we've never been there."  
  
"You're not missing much, En," He wrinkled the place his nose would be, "It's even more polluted and industrialized than Earth, and, well, Zim's a pretty good representative of the normal Irken species. Of course, my experience on it was less than positive…"   
  
"Euw, then maybe I don't wanna see." Enid wrinkled the place where her nose would be, probably a habit she got from Poe or just mimicking him for now.  
  
"It's probably not so bad if you're an upper class Irken, but being a Reject was, well, not fun, to say the least." Poe shook his head slightly, "Still haunts me to this day, as you can see, with how Zim treats me… Ironic, really, considering his own son is so odd-looking he wouldn't have even been Rejected, just flat-out destroyed most likely." Enid's eyes widened somewhat.  
  
"Uhh… would I have been… a, a Reject, Daddy?" Poe frowned, looking down at Enid,  
  
"I'm really not sure, sweetheart.." He pet one of her antennae softly to comfort her, "I personally think you look fine, but who knows what standards they use. I'm not even sure what ultimately got me Rejected."  
  
"Oh…" she leaned into him, hugging him again. "…now I'm glad I live here." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her close,  
  
"I am too, En. Irk is no place for anyone to grow up… Earth has its problems, and being an alien will only bring on more for you, but I think ultimately it's a much nicer place."  
  
"Much nicer." She agreed.  
  
Zib watched Zim pace back and forth in the living room from his place on the couch. Now, in the past he'd been happy to go along with whatever his Mom said, but he was a teenager now, one that was half Zim, nonetheless.  
  
"I don't get it, Mom, what was so bad about what I did with Enid?" He finally asked, "I mean, we were just kissing…"  
  
"Just kissing?!" Zim turned around sharply, glaring at Zib with his fists clenched. "Kissing is another means of transmitting germs from bodies!! And there was a lot more then just kissing happening there!" Zim pointed to Zib's hair/antennae. "She was stroking… them!"  
  
"What's wrong with that? It felt nice," He said bluntly, obviously not understanding any Irken sociological stigmas attached to antennae-fondling. Zim looked flabber-ghasted for a moment, then waved his hands in front of his own face, almost scratching himself while making painy noises.  
  
"That's not the POINT!" Zib covered his mouth to conceal a snicker,  
  
"You forget I'm half human, anyway. I can probably handle any germs thrown at me, alien or terrestrial." He took a sip of a box drink he'd managed to find, probably looking and sounding disturbingly like his Father.  
  
"No no NO." Zim marched up to him, managing to glare down since Zib was sitting down. "Touching other Irken antennae is… is… just _wrong_!" he blurted out. He'd hate to admit he'd never had his antennae fondled, since it was something he'd always wanted. From a female, course. "It shouldn't happen unless there's… something else happening which you WERE and something like _that_ happening means a lot!"  
  
"What _kind_ of something else?" Zib raised his eyelid, looking up at his Mom from over his drink.  
  
"…something Irkens never get involved in!" Zim snapped back.  
  
"They don't? I've seen Ms. Cten and Poe kiss occasionally."  
  
"Believe me, if they were on Irk they'd both be in _very_ big trouble for doing what they've done." Zim replied, folding his arms, then muttering about something Zib couldn't quite hear while looking away.  
  
"But _why_? What's so bad about being affectionate? Humans do it all the time." Zib took another sip and perked his antennae to try and pick up what Zim mumbled, "What was that, Mom?"  
  
"Nothing!" Zim said quickly, could that be a slight tint on his face? "Irkens just don't lower ourselves to that stuff!" Zib quirked his eyelid,  
  
"If you say so. But Irken laws would only half apply to me, wouldn't they?"  
  
"Not while in _my_ base." Zim snarled back, obviously he didn't want Zib hearing his mutterings. Zib raised his eyelid at Zim's sudden defensiveness and shook his head tightly.  
  
"What are you so uptight about, Mom?" He snorted slightly, a feat for him as well since he had no nose either, "Enid and I wouldn't have even had to go outside if you and Dad hadn't started fighting."  
  
"Oh don't throw that in my face!" Zim clenched his fists while glaring daggers at his 'son'. "You've grown up knowing your Father and I get into arguements over anything and we're not about to stop now just because you got a jolt in your pants!" Zib glared back and put down his box drink, squeezing it in his gloved fist,  
  
"Well, don't blame me if I prefer interacting with the _opposite_ gender," he sassed. Hoo, man, he was asking for it. You could possibly imagine the bomb going off inside Zim's head now. Yes, he wanted to have some affection in his life, but that was crossing the line there. Hinting that he has a 'thing' for Dib. He pointed at Zib's face, snarling and you could imagine if he could, his teeth would have become sharper.  
  
"_YOU GET TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW YOU STINK WORM_!!" Zib stood up, glaring down at Zim,  
  
"Oh, I'll go to my room alright." He said ominously with a smirk and started off towards the elevator. Dun dun dun.. Zim stood there, glaring at Zib as he walked away. By the way he moved his hands, looked like he wanted to choke off Zib's air supply, but then let out a grunt and let his arms hang by his sides. The way Zib was snickering to himself as he into the kitchen and towards the door to the elevator couldn't help. What was he up to?  
  
[To be continued again!]


	6. Chapter 6

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Well, let's just say sending one's disgruntled teenage spawn into the same room as one's vehicle might not be such a good idea. Gir, all this time, had been curled up on Zib's bed, the blankets wrapped tightly around him as he dreamed about piggies wearing taco hats and eating taquitoes with a fairy princess, didn't even stir as the cupboard doorway slid open and Zib entered the room. Zib threw himself down on the bed with a bounce, probably bouncing the poor SIR right off. He laid on his stomach, glaring at his bed's head board for a while, before looking over at the still, shadowed form of the Voot Cruiser resting in the middle of the room.  
  
"Stink worm eh? I should show him what a stink worm I can be," he grumbled to himself, but his Dibbish side kept him from acting on anything just yet. The robot clanged on the ground, jolting him out of his stupor.  
  
"Aw... GodMother go coffees!" he sat up and rubbed his metal cranium, before seeing the boots of Zib hanging above him. "MiniMaster!" Gir screeched, seemed he never did get out of habit calling Zib that, even if now he towered over both him and his Master. The little SIR climbed up onto the bed. "Wassa up?"  
  
"Eh? Oh, hi, Gir," Zib mumbled, having not even noticed the little robot, "Mom's just being extra.. eh.. anal retentive lately." He smirked to himself, "I think being picked up by that Reject set him off."  
  
"Anal...?" Gr's eyecams telescoped at the word, then tilted his head to the side. "Aw, did Master have Poe kick his anal again?" not knowing what anal meant, Gir was now going to use the word whenever possible, cause it sounded funny. That just made Zib snicker harder,  
  
"You could say that. Or he would have, if Ms. Cten didn't have him on a leash. Man, Poe looked about ready to kill him.. 'Course, Mom looked about ready to kill me a few seconds ago."  
  
"I like leashes!" the little robot said simply. Zib quirked his eyelid at Gir, then shook his head. He rolled onto his back and stretched his arms out - even if the little robot didn't make any sense, he was someone Zib could rant at with little reprocussion, making him almost like an odd pet instead of a sibling nowadays.  
  
"Mom's been especially irritable lately, even before this whole pants thing started." GIR watched Zib roll onto his back, and mimicked him, rolling onto his own back and stretched his arms out too.  
  
"Doesn't Master like pants?"  
  
"Not when there are active things in them, I guess. I think I'm starting to like Dad better," he muttered, displacing his glasses and rubbing his eyes with his claws, "Mom's just so.. _ranty_."  
  
"Master likes rants, uh huh." Gir nodded his head, then gave a small sigh. "So whatta ya do MiniMaster? Run away and become a monkey slinging piggie hats?" His eyes widened at the suggestion and he sat up in bed suddenly,  
  
"That's IT, Gir!" He looked towards the round window at the front of the house, "Maybe disappearing for a while will teach him _appreciate_ Zib," he seethed quietly and clenched his fists. The robot sat up as Zib did, then his antennae perked up.  
  
"Can I come??"  
  
"Eh, if you want to I suppose." Zib slid out of bed and started towards the window, "Mom isn't exactly nice to you most of the time either." He unfolded one of his spider legs and tapped at the window with the tip, adjusting his glasses and scrutinizing it. "Mom probably has a security system, but I doubt it's programmed to detect people moving out of the base.."  
  
"Yay!" Gir lept off the bed and hurried up besides Zib, making his legs grow so he could look out the window as well. As he did he put his hands to the window sill, and it seemed as he did, it triggered something. The window then vanished from sight, leaving the gaping hole in the wall. How convienient! Zib blinked and quickly retracted his mechanical leg,  
  
"Good job, Gir," he said in slight astonishment, then straightened up, "Time is of the essance! We must make our break before Mom notices us missing and uses the computer to try and locate us," He leaned his hands on the threshold of the window, sticking his head out into the air, wind blowing throug his antennae-hair. Two of his legs unfolded and gripped the sides of the opening, "Just climb up onto my back or something, we don't need your jets leaving a contrail for Mom to follow."  
  
"Okie dokie!" Gir leapt up and clung to Zib's upper back, hanging onto his jacket collar, squeezing his eyecams narrow, as if squinting. "321Liftoff!" Zib's back spider-legs lifted him through the opening with the help of his real arms, and he looked back and forth to make sure there were no witnesses. He started to race down the side of the house on his mechanical limbs, before leaping off just around the juncture of the attict and first story, propelling him over the range of the lawn gnomes and landing him in the middle of the street. He skittered to keep his balance, swaying slightly and looking back at the house with a triumphent grin, before looking around,  
  
"Hm, now, where to go.."  
  
"Krazy Taco?" the little robot asked, grinning wildly feeling like he was in the middle of a breakout movie. Zib regained his footing and folded his legs up, sticking out his flat, magenta tongue,  
  
"Ugh, no. Years of living with you has given me a healthy dislike of Mexican food," His eyes wandered in a certain direction, namely the direction of Poe and Cten's house, and he grinned, "Hm, I wonder.."  
  
"I like birds." Gir said randomly as he held on for his little robot CPU Chip.  
  
"We're not eating any birds, either, Gir," Zib muttered, before starting off in the direction of the base in question. Once he got there, he looked around suspiciously, jumping over the fence. He raised himself up onto his spider legs again, before raising Gir with the two front-mounted limbs, hopefully to the window on the second story.  
  
"Can you see what's going on in Enid's room?"  
  
"Kay!" the litle robot leapt up and landed on Zib's head, probably causing a massive headahce. Zib bit his tongue to hold back a yelp when Gir landed on his head, as the robot peered up into the room, which was Enid's room luckily. Since it was by now, a little bit dark her light was on, and she was inside. Polishing her antennae rings with some shiney stuff. "I see sheeee..." Gir whispered quietly.  
  
"Is Cten or, more importantly, Poe around?" He knew he would be dead in so many ways if the Reject caught him, and his Mom wouldn't be too keen on defending him either.  
  
"Hmmm.... nope!" Gir grabbed onto Zib's antennae to steady himself. "She's allll alone...." he then stood up, waving in the window and screeched out. "HI ENID!!" Inside, Enid blinked and looked to her right, where she sees Gir waving frantically while clinging onto some familiar hair-antennae.  
  
"...what the?"  
  
"GIR! SHUT UP!" Gir was quickly yanked out of sight, while the twin scythes turned, presumably down to glare at Gir, "Do you want her Dad to find us and eat us alive, or whatever he does with those fangs of his?!"  
  
"Yes!" the little robot giggled as the window was slid open.  
  
"Well I don't!" Zib scowled, before he realized the shaft of light opening up onto his face. He looked up at Enid and grinned sheepishly. "Oh, um, hey, Enid. Nice... uh, evening for a walk, huh?" He suddenly felt silly confronted with the idea of telling her he ran away from home to see her.  
  
"Zib, what are you doing here?" Enid smiled somewhat, leaning on the window pane as Gir continued to wave at her from Zib's grip. Zib stuffed Gir behind his back, looking around innocently,  
  
"Um.. nothing, just out for a stroll and I thought I might.. see how you were doing."  
  
"Oh. Well that's nice... I see you survived your Mom." she said, motioning that he had no sores or bruises of any sorts.  
  
"Yeah," he muttered, "Actually, I was, um.. trying to get away from him. Let's just say I'm not his favourite person right now," He rolled his eyes, "But then, I don't seem to be at the top of anyone's list right now, since I got this stupid.. thingee in my pants."  
  
"Well you know you're on my favourites list." Enid smiled, leant forward and flicked at the long strand of hair that hung down between his eyes. "Not your fault your parents were of different species." Zib broke out into a grin, almost struck with a giggle fit when she flicked his hair, but managed to retain a modicum of dignity,  
  
"Aw, thanks. Mom gave me a lecture about how two Irkens being all.. affectionate is wrong and nasty, but he didn't bother to really explain _why_," He shook his head, "I suppose he thinks everyone should act like him and Dad."  
  
"Well, from what I heard from Daddy; Irk isn't exactly the happiest place in the universe." she glanced at Gir who all this time had been trying to wiggle out of Zib's grip. "Still, you have to be your own spawn, clone... thingie." Zib tried desperately to restrain the squirmy SIR, but needless to say his, well, shall we say less than adequate arms weren't much match for Irken-engineered technology.  
  
"Um.. can I come in?" Zib asked quickly, "You know, before someone wonders where the yellow-green kid got the alien technology growing out of his back and the robot to boot." He glared down at Gir, who never had bothered to put on his doggy disguise.  
  
"Uhm...." Enid glanced at her door. She knew her parents were somewhere in the labs below, and they'd be down there for some time doing their usual things they did down there. Sure she wasn't 100% sure what they were doing, she didn't want to know either. "Sure, come on." she got out of the way to allow Zib to enter.  
  
"Thanks," he said quickly, hauling himself through the window and refolding his legs a bit too fast as he did; this resulted in him loosing his balance and tumbling out onto Enid bed, Gir along for the ride.  
  
"Wheee!" Gir bounced off the bed and landed in a pile of clothes on the floor, and began amusing himelf by pulling articles of clothing onto his head.  
  
"Erm... " she took Zib's hand to help him up off her bed. "You better not stay long though... Daddy still isn't quite keen on the two of us being together without a chaperone."  
  
"Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt, eh?" Zib managed to right himself and brushed himself off with his free hand, rather enjoying where his other one was right now, "I guess I won't stay too long, just until Mom notices me missing or we hear someone coming up the steps."  
  
"Or his screaming from here." Enid grinned, sitting down besides him on the bed. "But still, your Mom's not that bad. Daddy told me how thanks to him, my Mom was fixed when she was 'dead'."  
  
"Huh? Oh, I guess not. Yeah, he's ranted about that in the past after he's had a brush with Poe.. Saying how they should be more thankful and were forever indebted to him or whatever his usual drivel is." He grunted, looking dull and mildly disgruntled.  
  
"Knew he'd use it some how like that..." Enid sighed sadly. "Seems our families will never really get along, no matter what happens."  
  
"Mom can't get along with anyone, and Dad.. well, Dad'd probably turn us all into the authorities if the chance ever came." He sounded slightly upset, but being your average guarded teenage male tried to make it come off as anger.  
  
"Hmm..." Enid's antennae lowered somewhat, her rings jingling slightly.  
  
"Wha, what's the matter?" He looked up at the sound of her jingling.  
  
"Nothing." Enid replied quietly, looking down at her blue boots, reasling one was un-laced.  
  
"Aw, something's the matter," He reached over and lifted up one of her drooping antennae with the back of his hand, "Your antennae are usually more.. perky-like." She giggled slightly as her antennae was picked up, then shoved him with one of her hands.  
  
"Oh please.." she laughed.  
  
"C'mon, tell Zib!" He scooted closer and nudged her in the side, grinning one of his goofy-charming grins.   
  
"It was nothing!" she giggled, leaning away from him, her antennae perked up again.  
  
"Yes it was!" He prodded her again and edged closer, suddenly in a playful mood reminicent of when they were younger - but nowadays, of course, it progress into something entirely different. Ahem.  
  
"You're silly!" Enid laughed, but realising she was now at the corner of her bed she did what she used to do, back when they were younger. She surprised/attacked him by leaping forward, pinning him down on the bed by the wrists, and now she was sat on his stomach. "Hah, I still got it." she smirked, antennae curling up. Zib yelped and was easily pinned, his glasses gone askew - she hadn't done that in a while and it took him by surprise.  
  
"It's not fair," He scowled up at her, "Why do you have to be bigger than me?" He squirmed beneath her uselessly.  
  
"Blame my genetics." she grinned back at him, her antennae loosening to their normal boingy/thick selves again.  
  
"Yeah, well," He watched an antennae fall down dangerously close nearby, "You forget I have the ingenuity of an Invader!" And with that he lifted his head and bit the tip of the antennae, pulling on it gently with a toothy grin.  
  
"AH!" Enid pulled back, letting his wrists go, falling down off his stomach onto some other... erm, lower part. Ahem! "Cheat!"  
  
"It's not cheating if-" He said muffedly from around her antennae, cut off suddenly as his eyes widened, "If it was within range.." he almost whimpered, his voice suddenly a few pitches higher.  
  
"...what?" she then glanced down, realising where she was. Least to say, she blushed very deeply now, her antennae straight, almost similar looking to Poe's. Almost. "....oh." she squeaked. Zib coughed and squirmed again, which *really* didn't help. He started to look slightly flustered and cross-eyed, letting her antennae go with his teeth and holding on with his lips, the faintest hints of - ahem - activity starting up down… there. Enid's eyes widened suddenly, now similar to Zib's eyes as she felt that activity start up. She bit her lower lip and began to at least get off, since in all honesty last thing she wanted was possibly one of her parents walking in on them in _this_ situation. Even if she had no idea why is sparked her it wasn't the best way to be. Zib let her antennae fall out of his mouth and looked down,  
  
"Ohslark," he muttered quickly, sitting up and turning red, sitting up and hunching over as to conceal his, well, you know. "S-sorry.."  
  
"My fault, my fault." she spluttered, rubbing the tip of her own antennae, the red blush still across her face.  
  
"Not your fault you're so pretty," He looked up and said with a slightly drunken grin, obviously his hormones starting to kick into gear again. Enid just looked back at him blankly, then at the door.  
  
"Thanks... but Zib, look we can't... try anything like that here." Gir's snores could be heard from the pile of clothes by now, murmering about lollipops and paint now. He leaned forward a bit, tilting his head,  
  
"So let's go somewhere else?" He proposed, his glasses still hanging off one side of his face.  
  
"...okay." Enid hadn't been out of the house with Zib in ages, even before the 'event' that day had taken place. She leaned forward and pulled her wig, contacts rolled up in it, out from under her bed and pulled them on. Zib blinked a bit dumbly, he hadn't been expecting her to go along that easily, but he grinned anyway. He glanced over at the sleeping Gir, and stood up - with some difficulty - and picked him up by a leg.  
  
"Hmm, where do we -oof, go," he pondered to himself, still in a semi-dazed state as he stumbled over some clothing. Enid smirked, before helping him up and holding Gir by the arm.  
  
"Just a walk somewhere, that'd be nice..." Zib made an affirmative sound before unfolding his spider-legs again and pulling himself to the edge of the window. He looked back at her and held out his hand, fixing his glasses with the other. She placed her hand in his, the little robot under her arm. And with that, he took a deep breath and leapt out the window, pulling her with him. His spider legs landed first, stabbing into the ground and leaving the teenagers suspended and bobbing several feet off the ground. Gir, now awake giggled as he clung to Enid's back.  
  
"Wheee!" he declared, Enid shushing him quickly.  
  
"Quiet Gir, I'll give you a taco if you're quiet!" Gir's eyes brightened, but he nodded quickly. Zib glared at the robot,  
  
"Do we really have to take _him_ along?" he muttered, landing on his feet and refolding his legs, starting out the yard and down the side walk, towards their favourite hang-out, the park.  
  
"Aw but he's _so_ cute." Enid gushed, huggling Gir in her arms. Gir grinned happily at the huggling, since he rarely got any of it.  
  
"Bah, cuteness!" Zib made a show of sounding disgusted and dismissive, but he found himself grinning despite himself. They marched off towards the park, while a light in the sky easily mistaken for a plane slowly got larger and closer, just out of view of the two teenage alien-spawn as it headed towards their base, landing in the yard with a solid THUD and setting off a few car alarms, revealing itself to be an Irken patrol vehical, larger than a Voot Cruiser. Inside the base, Cten who had been down in her lab all this time, heard the noise.  
  
"Irken Patrol Vehical in vacinity." the computer voice alerted. Her antennae straightened, and she got to her feet and shook Poe, who was fast asleep besides her in a seat.  
  
"Poe, Poe!" she hissed quietly, afraid that the Patroller would have super hearing chips or something.  
  
"Ssgnah?" Poe murmured, then blinked and sat up, "What's the matter-" He blinked, antennae perking at the noise. Soon enough, a solid knock was heard on the door in the house level.  
  
"...we have visitors." she muttered quietly. She pressed a button on her main computer panal, and the image of who was at the door flicked onto the monitor. A very tall, very mean looking Irken stood at the door. "...oh slark." Cten muttered. The patroller, whom we shall call Patroller for the sake of clarity, was in one of those tall-collar thingees, and had a nasty looking electrical staff.  
  
"Would Maid Cten and the Reject step out of the building at once, please," a mechanized voice requested in a tone of forced politeness. Poe looked especially pale, "Or we will be forced to use.. erm.. force."  
  
"Great." she said darkly, and got to her feet. Being a maid, she was taught to obey such orders from taller beings, in higher ranking other then height.  
  
"Wait, Cten, maybe we could use the elevator to the attic and take the Voot Cruiser--"  
  
"Alright, we'll do this the HARD way," the voice sounded again, and there was a cracking sound as the Patroller stabbed the door with his staff and sent out an EMP charge, disabling the house's power system, the lights in the lab dying.  
  
"...I think we can't now." Cten's voice sounded from the darkness, then Poe felt her grab his hand. "C'mon Poe, we gotta do what he says." by now the sounds of the heavy foot steps were sounding as Patroller was making his way down to the lab. Poe nodded gravely, though she probably couldn't see, squeezing her hand. He was doing his best not to panic, having a flood of memories rushing through his head, trying to think clearly. Light suddenly flooded into the room as the patroller's staff burnt a square-shaped hole in the ceiling, the metal dropping to the floor with a loud, clattering clank, and he lowered himself down into the hole with hover-thingees much like the Tallests', but not nearly as cool of course. He held up a pair of metallic round circles, and started towards them. Cten sighed sadly and bowed her head to the Patroller, not really sure what's about to happen but holds one hand out, if they were cuffs like on Earth. Poe shook his head quietly and put his hand on her arm, lowering it before the Patroller had the chance to think it was an agressive gesture. He tossed the circles into the air, and they flew up to the two Irkens and latched around their waists, pinning their arms to the side,  
  
"Any attempt at escape, and I can use these Restraining Rings to electrocute you in any number of ways!" Patroller growled, then waved his staff, "Not to mention using this. Now, come on." They didn't have any choice in the matter, the rings levitating them up after the patroller, though the ceiling, and into the back of the vehical, which wasn't much more than a barren metal room with a few cameras mounted here and there. The sounds of the vehical taking off could be heard, and soon enough they were moving, but in no more than a few minutes the vehical landed again, this time at Zim's base, loud enough to rouse him from whatever he was doing. He sat up on the couch, one antennae quirked in confusion at the noise.  
  
"Huh?" he muttered, half asleep. He got off the couch and was about to open the door when the Patroller opened the door first, much to Zim's surprise. "What's going on here?" seems the days events has caused him to forget about the message he had with the Tallest those years ago. The patroller vehical was turned around, the bars in the back allowing Zim to see Poe and Cten looking rather miserable in the corner.  
  
"The aberrants have been detained, as you requested," The Patroller snickered, reaching behind his back for another Ring, not that Zim could see that.  
  
"...oh I see!" Zim glanced over at the vehical and smirked somewhat, folding his arms. "Very good job soilder! I'll contact the Tallest and tell them of your work. Not exactly the quickest in the galaxy but still, very good!" he grinned up at the Patroller, oblivious to the fact what the Patroller had in store for him.  
  
"I'm afraid we have one more to collect." And before Zim knew what happened, he found a ring jammed down around his waist, easily pinning his scrawny little arms.  
  
"What the?! What are you doing?! Unring Zim immedietely!!" Zim screeched, trying to pull his scrawny arms out of the ring.  
  
"You, Zim, have been detained for the following charges.. Destruction of property, returning to Irk while under Exhile, repeatedly harassing the Tallest.." He went on and on, "..and your presence has been 'requested' at Judgementia with the other two."  
  
"...but I am ZIM! I'm on a secret mission for the Tallest!! You liar! You're just jealous of my amazingness aren't you?? Admit it!" gee, Zim didn't know when to keep his trap shut. From inside the vehical, Cten smirked as she heard Zim rant on for a while, then a buzzing sound mixed with Zim's screech of pain. The door was then slammed open and Zim was thrown into the room, before it slammed shut again. Note the smoke raising from Zim's body.  
  
"Well well, look who we got here." Cten smirked. Poe just remained stoic, probably the only one that had any idea what being arrested was like, leaning against the wall. Pretty soon, the ground became a pattern of colourful squares as they entered the atmosphere, and then, they could see Earth itself through the translucent, bar-laced door on the back of the vehical. Zim soon came too, just in time to see Earth vanish into the darkness. He frowned, then shot an accusing look at Poe and Cten.  
  
"You two did this, didn't you? You couldn't just allow yourselves to be carted off to Judgementia to be judged and have your Paks deleted! You had to bring me along didn't you?! Admit it!!" Cten sighed, leaning against the wall.  
  
"Oh sure Zim, we managed to talk the Patroller into arresting you too..." she said, sarcasm dripping from her words.  
  
"A-HAH! You admit-Wait that was sarcasm wasn't it?"  
  
"Oh yeah." Poe shook his head slowly.  
  
"I'm just worried about Enid.." he shuffled around, ignoring Zim, "I've been arrested before, but never off-planet, and never with anyone to leave behind.."  
  
"That's right...! Zib is now left at the hands of your spawn thingee!" Zim glanced to the window, but he couldn't hover since he didn't have the controls, so he didn't see much. "Great, just great... and Dib probably won't notice anything's different for months! Zib might be starved by then! ...he might have to eat Gir!" Cten shook her head, wondering if the jolt had caused any more bad things to happen to Zim's brain.  
  
"I'm sure Zib and Enid will be fine... they've got Gir and Beka still..."  
  
"You never gave him instructions on what to happen in case you disappear?" Poe looked at Zim skeptically, then froze, remembering something, "..let's not mention them again, shall we?" His eyes wandered to the camera.  
  
"Mention who again?" Zim looked lost now, wondering what the Reject was talking about, and to _who_. Poe grit his teeth, and reached out with his foot, carving in the floor of the patrol car and hoping the Patroller couldn't read English, 'SPAWN, THEY'LL GO BACK FOR THEM'. He then motioned to the camera, 'THEY CAN HEAR US'. Zim tilted his head to the side to read Poe's writing, his antennae twitching. He grunted and just gave a quick nod. Cten looked outside of the patrol vehicle again, to see what looked like the planet Pluto dash past. Poe's claw was starting to crack from clawing up the hard Irken metal, which was probably enough to make the Patroller suspicious, if he was even paying attention. He seemed to be alone, and probably had to concentrate on, er, driving.  
  
"I wonder if they'll take me to the trial or execute me on spot," he grunted. Not like Rejects got Trials that often, afterall.  
  
"I'd say execution on the spot." Zim nodded in agreement, only to be kicked in the shin by Cten since he was close enough. "OW! Hey!" he snapped at her.  
  
"I'd say that fate would be the more pleasent of the two, Zim." He looked over at the Invader, "Do you have any idea what they do to Irkens when they're on trial? They'll replay your memories to find all the crimes you've committed, and then you either get execution, torture, or.." Poe's mouth curled into a smirk, "..Rejection." Zim narrowed an eye at Poe, but sniffed the air indignatly.  
  
"Huh. I'm such a fine Invader they'd probably award me for being so wonderful! You on the other hand..." Zim made the sound of 'slice' sound with his mouth then a 'thud' sound.  
  
"Great... just great..." Cten muttered to herself.  
  
"I bet you're only a milimetre above the height for Rejection due to shortness, Zim." Poe glared at him and hunched over, looming over Zim even when sitting down, "Maybe less." Zim made a small squeak sound and tried to roll away from Poe.  
  
"Poe, Zim, stop it." Cten grunted from her seat. "I don't want this trip to be filled with testosterone competitions over who can spook who out most about what's going to happen to us."  
  
"He started it." Zim mumbled.  
  
"I don't care who started it." Cten snapped back.  
  
"That's because I've been there." Poe leaned back into place, seeming satisified with Zim's squeaking. He glanced back at the cameras, eyelid twitching. Cten made a snarling sound but then kept quiet, and probably will remain quiet for the remainder of the entire journey.  
  
[To be continued!]


	7. Chapter 7

Invasion of the Hormones  
Epic Four  
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
Now we've seen what these three are up for, why not we take a gander back down at Earth and see what the two teenagers and robot is up to? Well, it seems Gir's presance had sort of ruined the, er, mood. So Zib and Enid were sitting underneath a tree in a park, Zib looking somewhat disgruntled and squirmy. He looked up at the sky, blinking and narrowing his eyes, sheilding them with his hand to peer at something in the distance, namely the Patrol vehical launching.  
  
"Hey, look, a meteroite," He pointed at the sky.  
  
"OooOOOooo..." Gir's eye cams brightened as he saw the 'meterotie', while he was sat on Enid's lap like a little kid, which he's the equivalent of, pretty much. Enid looked somewhat confused,  
  
"Aren't meteroites meant to be flying down, not up?" she asked, as she saw it vanish into the sky. Zib blinked and adjusted his glasses,  
  
"..that they are." He stood up, watching it disappear, then looked down at where it had first ascended from, blinking a few more times, "It looks like it came from my house, too.."  
  
"Maybe it's your Mom going out to blow some steam off?" Enid brushed her large bang out of her eyes, looking back up where it had vanished. Gir waved up at the sky.  
  
"Bye baby!!"  
  
"Maybe, but he doesn't usually go off Earth unless it's for something really important.." He frowned skeptically, starting to get worried. "Maybe we should check it out."  
  
"Think we-" she was cut off by a beeping sound from behind them, the sound getting closer and closer. Then, causing Enid and possibly Zib to scream a small figure leapt out from the tree landing in front of them. Oh wait, it's just Beka in her disguise again. And she spoke pretty quickly so it was hard to work out what exactly she was saying, but the way she was waving her arms about it didn't look good. Zib yelped at least, backing up into Enid, then relaxing when he saw who it was.  
  
"Slow down, Beka, we can't understand a word you're saying!" Beka stopped, re-cooperated and started again.  
  
"I am ever so glad I found you, because a Patroller came to our base, and took Ma'am and Mr. Poe! I was cleaning the Voot Cruiser when the computer alerted the base, then I heard a banging sound and by the time I got to the door, it had already left. After I scanned the base, Ma'am and Sir. Poe were both gone." Enid blinked a few times, then her eyes widened.  
  
"..please tell me you're kidding Beka..."  
  
"Miss, I would not 'kid' about this."  
  
"A patroller?" Zib looked worried, his antennae/hair drooping back, "Mom was on a ranting spree a few years ago about he was going to get a patroller to get rid of them, but I never thought it was serious.. And even so, why would it take off from his base?" He shrank into his coat slightly.  
  
"Your base will probably know, if he's not there." Beka replied. Gir, by now was off Enid and walking around picking up acorns and stuffing them into his cheeks.  
  
"Come on Zib, we have to find out now." Enid got to her feet quickly. Zib nodded and grabbed onto her wrist almost reflectively, running in the direction of his home, soon passing the blacked-out base that'd previously been residence to Poe and Cten, with burn patterns in the grass from the ship, and the broken door. Enid glanced at the house as they passed it, now looking very worried. Beka was pulling GIR along by the hand, similar to how Zib was leading Enid but Gir was allowing himself to be dragged more or less. Eventually they arrived at Zim's base, the same burn patterns in the grass, but this base still had light and was fully functional.  
  
"Hi base!!" Gir screeched.  
  
"Um, hello Gir..." the computer replied. Zib winched when he saw the scorch marks,  
  
"Computer, is Mo-er, Zim here?"  
  
"Zim was arrested 15 minutes and 32 seconds ago by Patroller number 4938 and taken to Judgementia for the following crimes.." Zib paled noticably. The computer rambled on a long list of crimes Zim had done, and finally finished.  
  
"...and mouthing off at the Patroller."  
  
"Oo dat's bad." Gir said. Zib looked rather shaken, he'd never been without his Mom for an extended period of time, though he'd just taken off with the intention of running away.  
  
"...our parents are gone?" he said in an uncharictaristically small voice.  
  
"Affirmative. Scaners shown presence of Maid Cten and Reject Poe in same Patrol Vehical."  
  
"And... w-what's going to happen when they get to Judgementia...?" Enid looked like she was too spooked to ask.  
  
"They shall be judged in front of the Mighty Control Brains, there, their memories will be played out depicting any crimes they have commited and then they'd be either (A) Let go with a warning (B) Rejected, or (C) Killed on the spot through the deletion of their paks." Zib winced.  
  
"Knowing our parents and my understanding of Irken law, I don't think A's going to be a very viable option.."  
  
"B-but what crimes have.. have my Mom done?" Enid could hardly believe that her own Mother would do something illegal.  
  
"Reproducing with a Reject is a high offence in Irken Law." the computer replied. "...eep."  
  
"Well.. what can we do?" The computer made a "Iunno" sound, then continued calmly,  
  
"..and in response to the loss of the owner of this base, it will undergo an EMERGENCY SELF DESTRUCT to ensure Irken security."  
  
"..what?!"  
  
"Sorry, I'm programmed to do such a thing if my owner is either killed, arrested or any other mean and nasty stuff happens. Buuutttt.... since I like you kids I'll let you grab what you need and when you leave then I'll blow up." Gir squealed and ran off in some direction, possibly to 'his room' where he'll get possibly his piggie or something like that.  
  
"But, all the lab equipment, Mom's experiments --"  
  
"..sorry, can't let you take anything that would let the natives learn about incredibly superior Irken technology."  
  
"You can't just blow up, I'm sure Mom and Poe and Cten will find some way back!" Zib looked desperate, it wasn't that he really had much in the way of stuff, but this was his home.  
  
"I'm very sorry, but not even a base-regenerator can be taken to make a new base, for that could be easily stollen. Possibly by that Dib fella, as usual.." the computer grumbled something. "So I suggest you grab what you can Zib, and you Enid get to your base before it blows up as well."  
  
"...my home will blow up too?!"  
  
"Hey, it's a base too and it's owner is gone. Don't see why not."  
  
"Wait, the power at Enid's base was disabled. None of the computer systems, and therefore the self-destruct system, should activate.." Zib pondered, then sighed and shook his head, running into the house into his room, probably to get his skool stuff, some clothes and whatever other meager possessions he had, stuffing them into a duffle bag he had conveinent. Along the way, he picked up Gir by the antennae,  
  
"Come on, Gir, this place is gonna explode - and NO, it won't be fun," he grumbled, anticipating the robot's reaction.  
  
"Awww." Gir grabbed a photo as they passed through the hallway, one of the 'family' - sans Dib of course. They eventually made it to the lounge room again, Gir now sniffling while holding onto the photo.  
  
"Bye bye baaseeee..." he whimpered. Zib took a look around the room and frowned, then quickly ran out of the house,  
  
"Come on, Enid, we don't have a whole lot of time." In fact, the 1-minute count down started as soon as he crossed the threshold out of the base. Enid followed after him, Beka trailing behind her. By the time they were down the road, the base was engulfed in an explosion big enough to just blow up the base. Smoke bellowed from where the weird looking base once stood, and a few pieces of metal landed in the street. Even the cables that were attached to the other houses were now gone. Zib yelped and skidded into a dive on the street, covering his head as the contained explosion lit up the sky, a piece of debris landing and impaling the street a few feet away from his head. He blinked his eyes open when the sound faded, the lights in the neighborhood starting to come on as people woke up to investigate. Enid had already crouched over, hands over her head and a gnome hat landed near by - rolling a few times before coming to a stop. Gir picked it up and placed it on his head.  
  
"I'm a gnome monkey!" and yes, Gir was now in his disguise as he started doing a little dance. Beka looked to Zib and Enid,  
  
"I believe we should get to our base now Miss, and see what.. what we can do." Zib climbed to his feet and brushed off his coat, some of the people looking down at them from their bedroom windows suspiciously,  
  
"..I second that motion," He muttered, flinching away from the stares and taking Enid's wrist again. They eventually made their way back to the darkened, orange base. "I could possibly try to fix the power system, but that would start the self-destruction sequence.."  
  
"Yeah... I say we... uh, possibly get human electricity running through so at least we can see where we're going and just not have access to the labs..." Enid glanced at the burnt grass. "I'm sure Mom wasn't happy about him landing on her flower bed either way..." she muttered to herself. Beka could only shake her head.  
  
"All this mes..."  
  
"We'd have to pay for the electricity, though." Zib looked at the wires which had embedded into the neighboring buildings, which were rendered useless, "And we can't replicate money any more.."  
  
"...we could get some after Skool jobs you know. They're always looking for jobs!" Enid had her ID Pak hold out what looked like a torch, and shone it around the blackened base.  
  
"But.. That also means we can't replicate food, anymore. I think we'd need full time jobs, En.." He looked up at the house with a mild look of horror.  
  
"Great... we're turning into adult humans already." she groaned.  
  
"Which means we'll have to drop out of skool.." He ran his claws through his hair and slumped, then tried to be optimistic, "Well, maybe we shouldn't do anything just yet, maybe we can stay with my Dad until.." He frowned, reluctant to say the words, "until we know our parents aren't coming back.."  
  
"Okay... but I don't want to wake up on an operating table with my guts on the floor! If I do I'm not going to talk to you again, understand?" Enid crossed her arms.  
  
"Same for me!" Beka spoke up. "But replace guts with gears."  
  
"Don't worry." Zib glanced down at the duffle bag, then unzipped it, pulling out a laser he'd managed to grab from the base, "If he tries anything, I'll.." He scowled, trailing off.  
  
"Should we go see Mr. Dib then?" Beka tilted her head to the side.  
  
"Yeah." Enid said, walking to the table and picking up a photo frame, similar to the one Gir had grabbed but of course, this one was of her family. "...slark I miss them already and today I spent most of it mad at Daddy..." she muttered. Zib frowned, glanced around and put his claws on Enid's shoulder,  
  
"I'm.. I'm sure they're not gone for good.. In fact, I'm sure they'll be back within.. weeks!" He forced a grin, trying to sound hopeful. Enid sighed, hugging the photo but kept quiet. Beka walked to the door, well walking over the fallen down door.  
  
"Come along then Miss, it's not safe for you to be here now." with that, the little cat clad robot walked out, Gir following her. Zib slumped a little, then removed the hand from her shoulder, placing his arm around the back of her waist and leading her out.  
  
They started toward Dib's house, Zib knocking on the door; luckily, Dib answered instead of Gaz. He eyed the group and their general demeanor..  
  
"Alright, who died?" With that word, Enid just burst into tears pathetically, covering her eyes with one hand while clutching the photo frame in the other. Beka frowned, her eyes flashed red and gave Dib a kick in the leg.  
  
"Bad!" she snapped.  
  
"Ow!" Dib glared down at Beka. Zib scowled at his Dad and squeezed Enid with one arm, holding the duffle bag with all his belongings in it,  
  
"Mom and Enid's parents have been arrested by the Irken authorities." Dib stared at him blankly, the words not sinking into his big head, "..Me and Enid are the only two remaining alien life forms on this planet, Dad." Zib finished bluntly.  
  
"And me and Gir are the only two remaining robots on this planet." Beka said, putting her paws behind her back. Gir giggled, the gnome hat still on his head.  
  
"Base went BOOM!" he screeched.  
  
"Wait a minute.. so you're saying.. Zim is gone?! Er, and the others." Dib still wasn't sure how to react, with joy, relief, or worry that Zim might be replaced with a more, er, competant Invader.  
  
"Gone.. but.. they.. MIGHT return," Zib glanced over at Enid, saying the latter more to her than Dib. Enid just wiped at her eyes with her arm sleeve, still sniffling.  
  
"Don't worry human, they're _arrested_. I take you know what arrested means?" Beka, now the only one here to really protect her Mistress' daughter now had a right to be protective of Enid, despite Zib being there.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Dib rolled his eyes and leaned down to rub his shin, "So what'd Zim do to get arrested?" he said, inquiring for purely scientific purposes, but the look on his face was one of someone hunting for gossip, or blackmail, or whatnot. Zib bristled slightly,  
  
"Don't you care about anything else, Dad?! Like maybe where Enid and I are going to LIVE now?"  
  
"That's the reason we came here! We thought you'd be at least be a little like a parent and look after your spawn... clone, thing!" Beka piped up, glaring at him since he was leaning down.  
  
"I wanna live with a pig!" Gir announced happily.  
  
"No pig Gir, only big head boy there." Beka said, jutting a paw in Dib's direction.  
  
"Oooo!"  
  
"I'm not about to give room and board to a couple of evil ali-" Dib froze, thinking of something as he stood up straight, "Wait a minute, so you mean your parents and all your equipment and.. defenses are gone?" He wondered, a slightly.. evil look crossing his face. Beka gave of a vicious growl as she saw the look on his face, the growl sounding similar to that of a large carnivourus feline. Gir giggled and meowed in responce. Dib yelped at Beka's snarling, and the look on Zib's face wasn't much better,  
  
"Listen, _Dad_, my brain is half.. like your brain so don't think I don't know what you're thinking!"  
  
"What? I was merely going to suggest I help you, er, go to the authorities like most misplaced children.." He said innocently.  
  
"...you don't even want to help us..." Enid muttered more to herself, then snarled and what with her having semi-sharp teeth like her Fathers it must have helped in the evil factor. "You're a disgrace to human beings everywhere and if I were more like my Father and cared less about how it would affect Zib I'd rip your head off."  
  
"Head lolly pop!" Gir mumbled to Beka. Beka scoffed. Zib's eyelid twitched, Dib's assinity bringing out his, er, Zimmish side, and he stalked forward, unforunately still shorter than Dib, reaching into his duffle bag and yanking out the laser.  
  
"Listen, human filth, I have half a mind to cook you from the inside out with this!" Dib blinked at the outburst, looking rather surprised, Zib never having snapped at him before.  
  
"Now are you going to pull your pants up and at least _act_ like a Father or will you be over thrown by us right here and now?" Enid asked, one eye now twitching. In the background, Gaz walks past sipping a juice box. She stops and watches the group for a while, then sits down, amused by what's happening.  
  
"Fine, fine!" Dib waved his hands in self defence, glaring through his fingers at Zib, "Look, I don't even know where I'd keep two teenage alien spawns some robots! Even my Dad's bound to notice something sooner or later." Zib frowned, seeing his logic, then shook his head,  
  
"Can't you at least.. help us.. somehow?"  
  
"Liar Dib. You _know_ we have that spare room where Mom used to do all her personal stuff." Gaz's voice could be heard from across the room. Heck she loved seeing her brother in such turmoil and stuff. Beka narrowed an eye, then blinked normally as Gir walked in past Dib, well technically under Dib going through his legs and sat on the sofa.  
  
"That's _Mom's_ room, I'm not lending it out to some alien scum!" He glared over his shoulder at Gaz. Zib tensed, muttering,  
  
"I'm your-"  
  
"Oh don't you START," Dib turned his glare back to Dib, "I had NOTHING to do with your creation intentionally!" He started forward, and Zib blinked and shrank back from the taller, ranting human, "As far as I'm concerned you're just another one of Zim's experiments. You should be lucky I haven't destroyed or captured you yet with one of my ingenious plans!" Zib seemed disarmed by the words, his frown becoming one of sad shock, and Dib continued to advance, forcing Zib back over the threshold, "I'm not going to help you, your Girlfriend, or your pet robots, so just scram!" He slammed the door in Zib, Enid and Dib's face, and it opened again a moment later, throwing Gir at them and shutting loudly. GIR cheered as he was thrown through the door, beeping as he landed hard on the cement outside. Beka looked down at Gir, then up at Zib and Enid.  
  
"Now I know why Mr. Zim always wanted to get rid of him." The little robot claimed simply, nodding almost sadly. Enid snarled at the door, then looked over at Zib.  
  
"…you okay Zib?" obviously having something like that said to your face isn't the nicest thing to hear. Zib just stared at the door blankly, slumped, the laser dangling limply from his claws. His hair-antennae were drooped to the side, and the poor guy looked just pathetic. Enid wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, closing her eyes.  
  
"Come on Zib, we don't need him." she whispered. Zib looked down at the ground slowly,  
  
"But.. he is my.. _was_ my.. Dad.." He mumbled, more to himself, scrunching up slightly when Enid hugged him. Dib stormed away from the door on the other side, obviously in a mood about something. Gaz watched him storm past her, one eye semi-open but it didn't look particularly happy. Sure she didn't really have much of a purpose in her 'nephews' life, but still seeing that wasn't pleasing. She walked after Dib, and said loud enough for him to hear as she turned off towards the stairs starting her game again.  
  
"And you rant about Dad being a lousey Father." Dib waved his hand at her dismissively.  
  
"Family and friends only get in the way of _research_," he said, obviously becoming an embittered version of his Father over the years. Gaz stopped walking when she heard Dib say that, then turned back at him with... what is that, a shocked and somewhat sad expression? I believe it is! She blinks, then frowns.  
  
"Holy dookie Dad, when did you find a way to reverse your age and feed the same garbage you gave Mom to them?" Dib snorted and walked up to the kitchen counter, turning his back to Gaz and tinkering with some Chupacabra trap he had,  
  
"Don't you have a game to be playing, or something?"  
  
"Yes, I guess I could be doing that. I've waisted enough breath on you already." Gaz walked past him, sniffing slightly as she went. "Hm, even _smells_ like Dad." with that she was out the room. Outside, Zib let out a soft, but uneven sigh, and he almost look like he might cry.  Enid let go of him then took his free hand.  
  
"Come on.. we'll find someone.. I hope." she then lead him away from the house, Beka leading Gir along after them. Zib allowed himself to be led along, his sad face scrunching into a scowl,  
  
"Stupid.. stupid human. I guess Mom had good reason to hate him.." He sniffled slightly, rubbing the place his nose would be with his gloved wrist, then looking up. "I guess we can always stay at your place for the night at least.." Beka hopped ahead to walk in front of the two,  
  
"I'm able to generate some power Miss, so seeing won't be that much of a problem." she claimed, her tail swaying from side to side. Zib looked down at Beka, then glanced at Gir,  
  
"I'd say Gir could assist, but.. well, Gir is Gir." He sighed and shook his head, suddenly feeling and looking very drained, "I don't even care about our electricity situation right now, I just want to sleep."  
  
"Yeah me too..." she then glanced upwards at the starry sky. "...I just hope they're okay... wherever they are." she mumbled to herself. Zib followed her gaze and nodded,  
  
"I miss Mom.." he muttered to himself. Zim wasn't much of a parent, but he was a far better one than Dib, at least.  
  
"I'm sure he's missing you too Zib. He should. I know I would." she replied, looking back at the ground. Zib smiled slightly over at her,  
  
"Yeah, well, I'd miss you too." He nudged her side lightly.  
  
"Glad we agree then." she grinned back slightly, then nudged him back. Zib kept his eyes on her as they walked, and without much warning or warrenting, he moved closer to her and slid his arm around her lower waist - maybe for comfort, though whether to give, recieve, or both was anyone's guess. Enid blinked in some surprise, then smiled at him as she wrapped her arm around his lower waist too.  
  
"As long as we're together Zib, I think things'll turn out okay." she murmered.  
  
"Yeah.." Zib smiled warmly at her, his antennae perking a bit, and the mushy mood was shattered by a loud, obnoxious,  
  
"AAAAAAAAAWWW!" from Gir. Zib winced, then muttered to Enid,  
  
"I think I'm going to have to install a mute button on him.." She giggled in responce, heck she needed a laugh in a moment like this. And something told her they'd be by themselves for a long time.  
  
[The End]


End file.
